Divorce is pushing global warming into the danger zone. Each time a family splits up, according to a study released yesterday, it creates a double-sized carbon footprint. And since global warming is causing a general rise in thunderstorms across the planet, when you and your spouse consider splitting up, you are threatening the world with shittier weather. STAY MARRIED EVEN IF YOUR LIVES ARE HELL. THAT'S THE WAY THE BIOSPHERE WOULD WANT IT.

This chart, from study #1, shows how your carbon footprint grows when you divorce. The purple (naughty) line are divorced households and their energy use. The blue (nice) lines are families that stayed married. See how divorce makes you an evil oil-guzzling ho?

Global Warming Could Lead to Increased Severe Thunderstorms [PNAS] Storm image courtesy of Karen A. Kosiba.

The Environmental Impact of Divorce [PNAS]