On May 6, Kenneth Branagh's $150 million Thor flick debuts, bringing 3D Mjolnir to the masses. The only problem? Branagh and company are three decades too late. Since the 1970s, Canadian heavy metal musician/bodybuilder/Norse god incarnate/hammer-wielding renaissance man Jon Mikl Thor has been entertaining audiences with his musicality, feats of strength, and all-around amazingness. Why this man is not the king of internet is totally beyond me.


First things first, watch that 1976 clip of him performing on Merv Griffin right now. It will make your head explode. Now, gather your scattered brainpan and read this excerpt of Thor's bio from his website:

Starting out in Vancouver, THOR first made waves in the bodybuilding world, becoming Mr. Canada and Mr. USA, always using heavy music as an intensive training tool. He blended his powerful physique with powerful rock, and thus began this amazing cult legend's long reign in the hazy area between superstardom and the dark underground [...] THOR is still an immensely powerful man in incredible shape and a dedicated performer. Blowing up hot water bottles, bending steel, and having cinder blocks broken over his chest are all in a night's work.

Bending steel you say? Let's watch the next video clip...

Yes, Thor could bend metal bars with his teeth. I'd like to see Chris Hemsworth do that. And the man didn't do it in the privacy of his home...he did it for the satisfaction of a live audience. When I watch this video, I think to myself, "Self, this really is a fellow you should emulate. He is three of your role models rolled into one: Jareth from Labyrinth, a Boris Vallejo painting you once saw somewhere, and Jaws from Moonraker."

This is my new jogging song, and not just because I keep getting chased by my neighbor's Weimaraner. I also plan on wallpapering my room with several hundred copies of this album's LP sleeve.


Also, Thor released a 2001 album titled Odin Speaks with a band called Thor and the Ass Boys. Google is sadly not surfeit with information concerning the identities of those enigmatic Ass Boys.

In addition to his music, Thor also dabbled in cinema. Here's the final scene from the $100,000 film Rock and Roll Nightmare, which Thor wrote, produced, and starred in. In this 1986 horror flick (which was shot in a week), Thor plays hair metal singer John Triton, who battles Satan in a barn house for some reason. I want to start a petition to get him a walk-on role in Joss Whedon's Avengers. He could play "Asgardian Steel Bender."


Thor also starred in the 1986 voodoo horror flick Zombie Nightmare, which also starred (of all people), Adam West, Tia Carrere, and future Night At The Museum director Shawn Levy. The title of this film may sound familiar. Why's that? It ended up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. He was also in "Recruits," a film that IMDB describes as "a Canadian sex comedy in the tradition of Police Academy." I don't know anything about the film, but he wrote the theme song. Screw a walk-on, I want Jon Mikl to score the movie.