Open Channel: What Would Be Your Ultimate Star Trek Crew?

We want YOU to pick your dream Star Trek crew.
We want YOU to pick your dream Star Trek crew.
Image: CBS

Tomorrow, Star Trek: Picard finally begins, as we see a returned Jean-Luc go on a brand new mission...one that requires him to scrounge up a new crew to command. But if instead of having to operate outside of Starfleet rules, and with some Trek-patented temporal anomaly goodness, if you could pick any heroes of the franchise to put on a ship, who would make your team?

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Yes, we’re in a fantasy Star Trek mood, and want you to come up with your very own starship crew. Doesn’t matter where they’re from in the Trek timeline, they can just be your favorites, or who you think would work best together. Or, frankly, who’d work worst together for hilarious effect. Basically, go nuts! Would you be the best and brightest the Federation has to offer, or would you travel the galaxy taking the piss out of anyone who asked for help with a crew of sardonic, but loveable assholes?

Of course need a Captain to command your vessel, but once you’ve sorted that out, take a gander across nearly six decades of Trek history and pick your:

  • First Officer
  • Tactical Officer
  • Science Officer
  • Doctor
  • Communications/Ops Officer
  • Conn Officer
  • Chief of Engineering

Personally, I think the crew of the U.S.S. Get Me My Dang Coffee would look something like this:

  • Captain Kathryn Janeway
  • First Officer Kira Nerys
  • Tactical Officer Worf
  • Science Officer Paul Stamets
  • Doctor Leonard “Bones” McCoy
  • Ops Officer Nyota Uhura
  • Con Officer Jadzia Dax
  • Chief of Engineering B’Elanna Torres

Basically everyone on the Get Me My Dang Coffee would always either be Very Tired or very likely to glare you to death should you cross them, but also deeply love snarking their friends and foes alike. Kira and Janeway’s command meetings would be straight fire, and Stamets and McCoy would ceaselessly bicker about who was, in fact, the better bickerer. Dax would be flying around the galaxy as recklessly as possible based on her prior lives’ experience racing the fanciest sublight space yachts, while B’Elanna would be desperately attempting to keep the warp core together with scotch tape and rage.

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Also, Number One would be there, because he’s a very good boy.

Let us know in the comments just how good and/or bad a job your team would do of boldly going!


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James is a News Editor at io9. He wants pictures. Pictures of Spider-Man!

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DISCUSSION

katharinetrendacosta
Katharine Trendacosta

As you know, James, my ship is the USS Salt and they hate you, Starfleet, and basically everything that’s ever happened to them. But they’re hyper-competent, so the fact that they save everyone’s lives and the galaxy constantly is what makes up for the cold fear in your gut when the ship shows up. They’ll save you, but they’re ALSO going to tell you how your own stupidity led to this situation.

  • Captain: Sisko
  • First Officer: Spock
  • Tactical Officer: Tuvok (Tough pick between him, Odo, and Reed, tbh)
  • Science Officer: Paul Stamets
  • CMO: Bones McCoy (between him and the EMH would be tough, except that Bones is my favorite character in all of Star Trek)
  • Ops/Comms Officer: Uhura
  • Conn Officer: Tom Paris
  • Chief of Engineering: B’Elanna Torres