Looking for an incredibly easy, inexpensive, last-minute costume? I recently found a treasure trove of comfortable (and soft!) adult onesies that a) make Halloween shopping a cinch b) are nerdy beyond belief and c) are so glorious that picking just one to buy is honestly the hardest choice I have faced this year.
A few weeks ago, I was drunk in a Target. And you’d think that the next day I’d regret spending $27.99 on a Pink Power Ranger onesie. You would be wrong. I want to wear it every day, a feeling I haven’t had about a Halloween costume in about a decade:
Here’s the runner-up Unicorn one I almost bought. Note the tail:
The Captain America onesie is very comics accurate, down to the “A” and wings on the “helmet”:
And look at Harley! It’s the most comfortable Harley costume in the world!
Of course, it wouldn’t be Halloween if a few of the costumes weren’t just the tiny bit weird. So here are Big Bird, Finding Dory (not the fish, the whole movie, basically), and Ariel (without flippers and with the fin split in half):
But don’t get me wrong, I still would buy every single one these. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man romper, however, stays on the rack. Even if it is six dollars cheaper.
Somehow, the ones in the men’s section aren’t as good. They live in the uncanny valley, in fact. I think it’s the “boxing gloves” that does in the Rocky one (only $24.99. All the men’s ones are cheaper, though, which would be upsetting if they weren’t also much worse):
Here’s proof that Yoda only works as a small alien:
And here is the scariest Batman I’ve ever seen:
If I could replace my entire wardrobe with just these onesies, I would. Why won’t society just let me live my best life?