Which Horror Villain Do You Think You Could Take In A Fight, And Why?

Illustration for article titled Which Horror Villain Do You Think You Could Take In A Fight, And Why?

I'm pretty sure I could take Chucky. You?

Who: Chucky, the murderous doll who has been fused with the soul of serial killer Charles Lee Ray from the movies Child's Play, Child's Play 2, Child's Play 3, Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, and Curse of Chucky.


Objectives: A human soul he can possess, thus leaving the body of the doll. Also, murder.

Skills: Chucky has excellent knife skills. He is also very good at pushing things over onto his victims and/or pushing said victims off of objects. Speed (depending on the film) and strength.

Flaws: A running clock in which he must possess a human soul or be forever doomed to the doll body. This ticking clock lends itself to frenzy and hastily made decisions—and paired with his already substantial rage issues, makes for a lot of bad decision making. His other doll wife is often a distraction, as is his child. Honestly, Chucky has a lot more going on in his life than I do. He's going to be a pretty distracted guy. This I can use to my advantage.

Course Of Action: The "knocking shit over" skill seems pretty preventable. Just don't let a 1-foot-tall doll push you. Also, I would avoid leaning out of windows and standing under shelves filled with knifes. The knife skills are tricky. However, I am confident in my cat-like reflexes of freaking the fuck out and jumping on tall objects. Just last night, I saw a mouse in my home and I threw a full glass of wine right at the wall and jumped on the table, ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. Once I have the angled advantage (depending on footware), I'm fairly confident I could kick any waving knife out of the hands of Chucky.

Speed is hard. I'm slow. I do not like running nor do I like being chased. However, I think that as long as I have some sort of broom or long stick to bat away an assault and keep Chucky outside a 7-foot radius of my person, I would be safe.

Finally, I would never let a creature like that (dead or alive) into my house. Also, the name "Good Guy" doll, fuck no. I'm an adult. That has huge mistake written all over it. No way that thing if coming into my house. You let evil in, that's on you.


Now you go, please include a picture plus Who, Objectives, Skills, Flaws and Course of Action.

GORGEOUS beat to hell Chucky Art by Jim Cooke.



Slow Zombies. Never understood why anyone in normal shape ever dies facing slow zombies. They go for brains, their only skill is bitting, their flaw is BEING SLOW, course of action is walk at a faster pace then they? Find weapons, food, shelter (a plenty in any city), and that's it. Fast zombies though...