American Horror Story Coven is back and starting the new year off with a huge bang, thanks to two character deaths, a demon who loves cocaine, and Stevie Nicks! The White Witch made her Coven debut last night, only to be completely drowned out out by a wave of WTFery. There were a whole lotta witches losing their blessed minds last night. Spoilers ahead...

It's so good to have the lunacy that is this show back on the air — and even better now that Marie Laveau has teamed up with Fiona and her pale minions. No more with this tired witch war, now all the ladies are under one roof. And faster than you can say "the Devil loves nose candy," the lades are at each other's throats. Within minutes of our return Fiona slaps the shit out of her dear daughter Cordelia, who's marked forever as "willfully blind" and "worthless." The facade that was her husband Hank has been revealed, he's a witch hunter and Cordelia was too blind to see it. She's out. This is just the beginning of the rapid unraveling of this coven. Which kind of makes me think this was Marie Laveau's plan all along. The second this character steps foot into this big house, the girls go straight to hell. Just a thought... But at least the characters are actually doing things besides dying and then coming back to life, rinse and repeat.


But before Fiona can tackle the very pressing problem of a giant, wealthy corporation that has ordered their deaths, American Horror Story pauses for a music break. Enter Stevie Nicks. The songstress' cameo is wrapped into a favor winning gesture to Misty Day from Fiona. But in reality her special appearance was one nose twitch away from just having Jessica Lange stand up, turn to the camera and announce, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Stevie Nicks!"

But who cares — because this cameo was a long time coming. Hell, the episode was called "The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks," so this was a surprise to no one. However we did get to see Stevie Nicks play "Rhiannon" live(ish) in front of a room of witches. Which is how all Stevie Nicks music should, and must, be consumed.


So Stevie plays a little "Rhiannon," while Misty fangirlishly fawns all over her. It was heart warming and genuine. And then they twirl. It's like fan service fed up to no one but the creators because we've only known Misty for a few episodes — but who cares? The real service is just this show, and its magical ability to pull in real talent and tie their names forever to a series that once described a woman's vagina as a "mossy bank."

After a quick pause for a few twirls, the scheming lurches on — but the cameos aren't done yet. Look, it's Lance Reddick as Papa Legba, the Devil who LOVES cocaine. What does the Devil want with all this nose candy? Who knows? He's the devil, stop over-thinking it.

Turns out Marie Laveau was granted her immortality thanks to the insanely creepy Lance Reddick. All she had to give him was her soul, the soul of an innocent every year (including her child) and some yamyam shamsham. Naturally, Fiona wants IN. So Fiona dials up her drug dealer and charms the devil on over. But there's a tweeeeeeest.

Papa doesn't want Fiona, because she doesn't have a soul. Which means, everyone else is fucked. Her last resort tanked, Fiona realizes she has nothing to lose but her very own life and decides, "Fuck it — Imma kill all these whores."

Meanwhile at a New Orleans funeral — because it's New Orleans and therefor the show is contractually obligated to show a New Orleans style Jazz funeral or how else would we know this was in New Orleans????

Madison buys Misty lunch, hits her with a brick, and entombs her body in one of those above-the-ground crypts because, again, New Orleans. The end for Misty? Not likely. Lily Rabe is a treasure and tapped out way too early last season, lets hope she claws her way out and is PISSED that Madison stole her Stevie shawl, which was exceptionally bitchy.

But the real important takeaway here is that for some reason all the ladies' powers are starting to grow, grow, grow. How was Madison able to bring that corpse from the funeral back to life? And mind-control those two grave diggers? It's not just Madison, either. Nan seeks her revenge for the murder of her beloved enema altarboy next door by forcing Patti LuPone to drink bleach. And also earlier, she orders Madison to shove her cigarette in her vag (but thankfully demands she put it out first) but stupid Zoe gets in the way — not fair. Either way, these girls are getting stronger and stronger, which kind of points back to someone else meddling with their minds and powers.

Even Fiona lashes out in an absurd way — now fully aware that she is sans soul, she drowns Nan with Marie in the bathtub and tells the Devil to "take this innocent (ish) soul" or leave it. It was pretty bad ass. But also wildly insane. What is going on!


And while all this death and insanity is playing out upstairs, this scene happens in the green house which features Myrtle Snow playing the Theremin and saying "don't be a hater." There are no words.

Did someone on the writing staff just lose a bet, or win one?

So after death, death, baby stealing and Theremin, Stevie Nicks gets her second curtain call. And once again, Jessica Lange is there to introduce her. And the White Witch sings "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You" and it was very nice — in spite of being utterly random. I think it's written into my DNA to love women who wear black hats and twirl to Stevie Nicks. Makes ya wanna pop in Practical Magic.

But the real witchcraft happening last night (WINK WINK) was truly watching Lange and Angela Bassett bounce off of each other for more than 2 seconds. Bassett is the cool breeze Lange needed from shouldering the burden of this entire seasons drama and scenery munching. It was so great to see these two together, up to no good. Even better than when they were fighting, fingers crossed for much more of this duo as the season winds down.