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Grimm examines the worrying problem of fundamentalist fish-men

Illustration for article titled ​emGrimm/em examines the worrying problem of fundamentalist fish-men

I feel weird saying that the best Grimm of season 3 is the one about fundamentalist fishmen, but here we are. It's just another case of the week with virtually nothing else going on, but at least it moves fast enough to be enjoyable.


We begin as four teens have sexy fun times by a lake somewhere: they consist of two bros named Jake and Dan, and two sisters named Sara and Something-or-Other (Something-or-Other does not play an integral part in these proceedings). Sarah eventually spies her sister Elly spying on them, and Elly reveals 1) she's deaf and 2) she has the hots for Jake, the boy his sister ostensibly met mere hours ago.

Sarah heads back into the water, takes off her top, and then real sexy times ensue. And after a bit of underwater intercourse, Jake and Dan are pulled under by two arms which appear to belong to Creatures from the Black Lagoon. Dan drowns; Elly drags Jake out and saves him, stealing his cellphone for no other reason than to allow the gang to track them down later.


Let me spare you the details of the investigation, which is always Grimm's most tedious portion: The three sisters are naiads, which means they can basically turn into mermaids with more pronounced gills and glow-y eyes. They live with their dad on a dock, but the aforementioned fundamentalist naiads, named Bo and Luke (okay not really but I'm going to call them that anyways) are apparently mildly terrorizing them because of their adherence to the "old ways," when this lovable naiad family just wants to live in peace and have casual sex with boys.

Here's where it gets weird: So male naiads are sterile, and female naiads need to have sex with humans underwater to procreate. Awkward, but whatever. Well, apparently despite being an integral part of the continuation of their species, this whole deal pisses male naiads off something fierce, and they feel the need to kill the humans that the female naiads want to have sex with. Also, Bo and Luke were apparently promised in marriage to Sarah and Something-or-Other, and that's maybe part of it? It's all kind of jumbled haphazardly together.

The point is that Bo and Luke killed Dan and tried to kill Jake, but since Elly saved Jake, she somehow broke naiad law which means Bo and Luke get to cut the webbings from between Elly's fingers in punishment… or something. Look, I'm not 100% sure the Grimm writers took a ton of time sketching out the vagaries of ancient naiad culture, is all I'm saying.

Anyways! The Grimm Gang tracks down Jake's cellphone to the dad's dockside domicile and take Sarah and Something-or-Other into prison for questioning — which is a little weird because naiads dry out and die pretty quickly, and all Nick, Hank and Renard ever say about this is "Enh, it's their choice." Soon the dad comes in and confesses to the murder; Nick and Hank see through that instantly, but they are able to use dad's confession to get Sarah to talk.


Meanwhile, Elly has broken into Jake's house, led him to a random swimming pool somewhere in the neighborhood, and shows him her naiad-ness. Jake takes all of this really well, but then Bo and Luke are suddenly there, and knock out Jake and kidnap Elly for her punishment.

Luckily, the punishment needs to happen at the dock — because it's… home? Her home? Something? — which means Nick and Hank can show up and save the day. Hank handcuffs Bo and Luke, while Nick jumps into the water to save the unconscious and attached to an anchor Elly (naiads apparently have to consciously change forms, so otherwise she would have drowned). Nick, thanks to his new Being Dead powers, is able to stay underwater a long time, to Hank's concern. Bo and Lukre are arrested and apparently die that very night from dehydration, because 1) no one ever says anything differently, and Nick and Renard are all like, "Well, if they didn't want to die horribly in prison then they should've thought of that before they drowned that dude." It's a little weird.


So, yeah. A faster-paced story, focues almost entirely on the characters that are actually doing things, and a cool Wesen with good CG effects. That's a big step up from last week's attack of the hors d'oeuvres.

Illustration for article titled ​emGrimm/em examines the worrying problem of fundamentalist fish-men

Assorted Musings:

  • For all the carnal lust displayed in Dracula, Jake and Sarah manage to have sex without moving even slightly. Someone's been practicing her Kegel exercises!
  • My DVR said it was nine full minutes before a main Grimm character showed up. Just sayin'.
  • And in the Grimm School of Exposition: Grimm spends those nine minutes showing exactly what happens to the guys, in full detail, but still gives Jake a chance to describe every single thing that happened again to Nick later, just in case, you know, you missed the first nine minutes of the episode.
  • To be fair, I really did think the naiad CG was well done, particular with the eyes and when Elly hops in the swimming pool.
  • In other news: Monroe and Rosalee are still moving in together. Renard's brother is still dead. And Juliette finds an email to Nick from Nick's mom which ends with "Love, M" and she gets suspicious. If this nonsense doesn't get resolved soon, and we have to deal with Juliette being jealous of someone everyone in the audience knows is his mother, I will be extremely aggravated.

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I'm sorry, but I just can't get past a climax that depends upon saving a mermaid from drowning. I mean, you'd think an aquatic species would have a reflex to deploy the gills when in danger of drowning, since surely Elly isn't the first naiad ever to be knocked unconscious in the water. It was a stupid contrivance whose only purpose was to slightly advance the glacially progressing "Something weird's going on with Nick" arc.

Also, the subplot with her loving the guy from afar and revealing her nature to him went nowhere. What was the point of it? Although it was kind of nice to see a deaf character featured in a story that wasn't *about* her deafness, where it was just an incidental part of her character.