"Doctor In Distress" = The Worst Charity Single Of All Time and Space?

If your favorite show is on the chopping block this fall, please do not release a save-our-show song. Doctor Who fans tried it 25 years ago with "Doctor in Distress," a dance single that sounds not unlike two Cybermen mid-coitus.


In 1985, Doctor Who faced potential cancellation when the BBC put the program on hiatus for a year. The show's fans subsequently sprung into action with "Doctor in Distress," a charity single featuring vocals from 6th Doctor Colin Baker and members of such 1980s groups as Buck Fizz and Ultravox. Furthermore, future film maestro Hans Zimmer was manning the synthesizer, so at least the single would exhibit glimmers of the young composer's genius, right?

Well, not exactly. Although profits from the single went to a cancer research charity, the song's backers failed to make any money off of it or even influence the BBC on the cancellation issue. Furthermore, critics castigated the track, as the aural experience was akin to being locked in a Tardis with a bunch of Ibiza partygoers as it slowly fills up with hornets and sulfuric acid.

On the plus side, the lyrics are a thing of great mellifluousness. Listen for this passage:

We learnt to accept six Doctors with companions at their side
When they were faced with danger they didn't run they didn't hide
There was the Brigadier and the Master and a canine computer
Each screaming girl just hoped that a Yeti wouldn't shoot her

Wow, the song actually name-drops the Yeti. You know what "Doctor in Distress?" I take it all back. You're okay in my book.



That song captures perfectly what Doctor Who was like in the '80s— i.e., really, really shitty.