Vivid Entertainment recently wrapped their Batman XXX spoof and are planning an entire line of superhero flesh flicks, but superhero skinema is not a particularly new phenomenon. Batman porn has been around for decades, and it’s mostly been godawful.
This is by no means a compendium of all Batman-themed XXX. Indeed, any ol’ porn starlet can toss on a Catwoman mask and get fisted by an obliging stranger. No, this is about the more memorable milestones in Batsmut. If you somehow are able to get off on the following clips, you deserve a medal. A horrible, horrible medal.
1973's Bat Pussy is considered the absolute nadir of pornography, period. Not just Batman-themed pornography. ALL pornography. All the German scat cinema and Japanese kaiju-on-robot hentai cannot compare to this. Imagine you’re a pervert in the 1970s - you just want to go to a dark cinema and masturbate in concert with a bunch of total strangers. So you go to the Dragon Art Theater to enjoy some good ol’ fashioned public onansism and this comes on. This now-classic hippity-hop sequence is safe for work, but the rest is fairly wank-proof, as the highlight of the film is Bat-Pussy having a threesome with two obese rednecks.
1982's Bathman Dal Pianeta Eros stars Bathman, an intergalactic crime-fighter from the planet Eros. Bathman has come to Earth to battle injustice and fornicate with the locals. The movie opens with a painfully long shot of Bathman riding his bici through a cow farm. Can you feel the blood rush to your nether regions?
In 1989's The Adventures from Dickman and Throbbin, John Holmes - the epically endowed inspiration for Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights - plays Dickman, a man with the erotic gift for gab. Watch as he convinces this lass to take off her unitard. For all of his sexual prowess, Dickman demonstrates a marked ignorance of female anatomy. Women’s hoo-hoos are not blacksmith forges.
1990's Bat Bitch was notable for its usage of cheeky self-aware monologues and scenic studio backlots. Dude, self-awareness in porn is only funny if you have the production values to back it up. Otherwise the audience just feels sad.
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1990's Bat Bitch 2: The Caped Bimbette continued the Bat Bitch franchise with more monologues and unglamorous locations. I like how our protagonist has never been in a high-school wood shop before and is cowed by the hideout’s awesome technology. I also like how Bat Bitch 1 & 2 were apparently filmed the same day.
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Finally, there’s Axel Braun’s Batman XXX: A Porn Parody, which is out this month. Braun researched the hell out of this film, even going so far as to have the original fabrics for the costumes. I appreciate Axel’s eye for detail, but I don’t think anyone’s going to be paying attention to the outfits.
So you’ve made it to the end. Congratulations! You may have noticed that there was almost no nudity in the above clips. Apologies!