10 stories about people being used as drugs

Science fiction and fantasy are full of nasties who get their kicks not from champagne, but from the sundry parts of you and me. Here are 10 stories about characters getting loopy on humans (and the occasional metahuman).

NOTE: Some big spoilers for older shows ahead (Torchwood, cough cough). Also, I'm using people in somewhat loose sense — genetically and supernaturally altered personalities count here.

10.) Futurama - "Spanish Fry"
On an ill-fated camping trip, Fry's schnoz is cut off by black market alien drug pushers, who sell "human horn" as a form of extraterrestrial sexual enhancement. Later in the episode, Fry's (ahem) doodle almost becomes an alien's aphrodisiac.

9.) Sex Gas
On the second episode of Torchwood, a sentient alien gas possesses humans so it can get walloped on male orgasms. Of course, the fellows turn into Fun Dip after they blows their loads. The Sex Gas found human orgone the most enjoyable sexual energy. This is why you never, ever have unprotected sex in Welsh nightclubs.


8.) John Mitchell from Being Human
On the British monster-flat program, Mitchell the vampire struggles with human blood addiction. He can survive without it, but it's hard to kick century-old addictions.


7.) Deathstalker
In Simon R. Green's book series (not the Roger Corman-produced flick), the unscrupulous drug aficionado Valentine Wolfe synthesizes human corpses into a potent, extremely addictive substance.

6.) Troll 2
In this garbage classic, trolls use a magical elixir to transform humans into delicious vegetable matter to hork down their puppet mouths. One of the characters — Arnold, of "OH MY GOOOD!" fame — isn't consumed, but transformed into a houseplant. I'm going out on a limb (Get it? Get it?), but I think it's safe to assume that most of the characters in Troll 2 had some sort of botanical assistance, both off and on camera.


5.) Humans feeding on vampires
Both True Blood and the Blade TV show feature subplots about people consuming vampires. On Troobs, humans can get addicted to vampire blood ("V"), which causes enhanced awareness and terrific priapism. Blade had "ash," the remains of staked vampires — this gave humans superpowered abilities.


4.) Alias
In the comic book Alias, drug dealers harvest (and smoke) superpower-inducing Mutant Growth Hormone right out of the epidermis of former Spider-Woman Mattie Franklin. Sure, Mattie's not entirely normal (she has metahuman arachnid powers), but the baddies end up freebasing a superhero for crap's sake.


3.) American Vampire
In Scott Snyder's Vertigo comic, vampires can get loaded, but they have to make the effort to drink the blood of somebody who is totally blotto. This is why I only drink a patented cocktail of Garlic Schnapps and Thunderbird. I call it "The Nauseous Nosferatu."

2.) I Come In Peace
Former Fulbright Scholar Dolph Lundgren is Jack Caine, a Houston cop who just doesn't play by the rules. In his mission to take down an upper-crust drug syndicate, Caine encounters Talec, an extraterrestrial drug pusher who gets humans high on heroin and then extracts the endorphins from their brains to sell on his home planet. You don't rob Dolph Lundgren's home and you certainly don't fuck with his planet.

1.) The 456 from Torchwood: Children of Earth
The ultimate heebie-jeebie-inducing intergalactic junkies, the 456 were an alien race who abducted human children and got high off of them via horrifying life support tubes. To make matters worse, the children never grow up and spend the rest of the unnaturally prolonged lives hooked up to the 456, who are getting stoned out of their three-headed avian gourds. The 456 are so addicted to children they hold the Earth hostage in exchange for 10% of the world's moppet supply.


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