This week, Lost Girl, Sleepy Hollow and The Muppets all return! Mulder & Scully track a man-lizard. Plus Tar Pit, the Calculator and Bizarro terrorize the DC Comics heroes! All this, plus iZombie and bioluminescent fish, on This Week’s TV!

Tonight

The X-Files (8PM, FOX)

“When a dead body is found in the woods, Mulder and Scully are called in to investigate whether it was an animal attack, a serial killer or just maybe a strange creature as described by eyewitnesses. Meanwhile, Mulder is able to confront some of his own demons about feeling disillusioned with his life’s work in the all-new “Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-monster.”

Mulder and Scully encounter some sort of horned lizard man in an episode written and directed by Darin Morgan! And someone else is running around dressed like Carl “The Night Stalker” Kolchak… This is by far the best episode of the new X-Files revival to date.

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Supergirl (8PM, CBS)

“Bizarro” - Kara faces off against her mirror image when Bizarro (Hope Lauren), a twisted version of Supergirl, sets out to destroy her.

Whoa! Hope Lauren looks exactly like Melissa Benoist!

Lucifer (9PM, FOX)

“When a movie star’s son is killed after being chased by the paparazzi, Chloe takes a deep look into the case with a little help from Lucifer. Meanwhile, Maze and Amenadiel continue to encourage Lucifer to go back to hell.”

Paparazzi…demons…

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“Mi sto chiedendo chi siano i veri cannibali?”

The Magicians (9PM, SYFY)

Get ready to meet a Niffin! (a malicious spirit of pure magic, natch)

Lost Girl (10PM, SYFY)

“Bo wakes up in Kansas. Or, if not Kansas, a black and white world wherein she is the only (gorgeous gingham clad) lady who has any color at all. What the…”

Lost Girl returns! Is the episode only a superficial homage the Wizard of Oz? Or is it closer to the Twilight Zone pilot, “Where Is Everybody?”

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No matter what, it’s certain to be better than that awful Felicity episode.

Even without Kenzi.


Tuesday

The Flash (8PM, CW)

“Barry teams up with Wells to figure out a way to close the breaches, but they are distracted by a meta-human nicknamed Tar Pit (guest star Marco Grazzini) who can transform into liquid asphalt. Iris is concerned for Wally’s safety after she finds out about his drag racing hobby. When he refuses to stop she makes a bold move that puts her in danger.”

One of television’s best, Rachel Talalay, directs this week’s episode of The Flash! And it introduces the man who accidentally transferred his consciousness into a vat of molten tar, and got it stuck there— Tar Pit!

No word on if he’ll crash a Keystone Combines game.

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The Muppets (8:30PM, ABC)

After some modest retooling, The Muppets is back!

iZombie (9PM, CW)

“Things become interesting for Liv when she and Clive investigate the murder of a young librarian, who was also secretly an erotic fiction writer. Meanwhile, things heat up between Blaine and someone quite unexpected. Lastly, Major is hit with an unforeseen snag in his plan.”

iZombie returns with some incredible fanservice!

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Not only is iZombie one of the best shows going right now, it consistently offers the finest motives behind its murders of the week. Weird crime aficionados take notice!

Agent Carter (ABC, 9PM)

“Agent Carter and the SSR learn there’s more than just a pretty face behind Hollywood star Whitney Frost, Peggy’s most dangerous foe yet.”

Shadowhunters (9PM, FREEFORM)

“After getting a clue about who may have wiped Clary’s memories, the crew hunts down the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane. With all of the warlocks in hiding from Valentine, the team must lure Magnus out with something he can’t refuse - a killer party and something very valuable. But with emotions running high, more may come out of their meeting with Magnus than just the retrieval of Clary’s memories. Meanwhile, Simon doesn’t seem to be himself after his recent Downworlder encounter.”

See the difference a set of well-placed eyes can liven up your standard, gaseous memory demon?

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Teen Wolf (9PM, MTV)

The Expanse (10PM, SYFY)

Two-hour season finale! Whatever happened to Julie Mao?

Killing Fields (10PM, DISCOVERY)

“After receiving a tip, Aubrey sits down with a convicted felon. Rodie tries to rekindle his relationship with his son as the team continues their efforts to speak with Eugenie’s ex-husband.”

The Shannara Chronicles (10PM, MTV)

“Ah, good…you’re awake!”

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That’s one of those necessary villain/hostage exchanges we should all do our part to subvert in the future.


Wednesday

Arrow (8PM, CW)

It’s Arrow vs The Calcuator!

(Detective Comics #466)

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This nefarious numbers genius was created by the strange pairing of Bob Rozakis and Mike Grell!

Oh, and Roy comes back, too…

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Face Off (9PM, SYFY)

Inspired by the upcoming series, Hunters, the artists must create the perfect human disguise.

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Nova (9PM, PBS)

A whole hour of bioluminescent sea creatures!

Star Wars Rebels (9PM, DISNEY XD)

Zeb…a Captain?!

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Supernatural (9PM, CW)

“Sam and Dean drop in on Jody Mills (guest star Kim Rhodes), Claire (guest star Kathryn Newton) and Alex (guest star Katherine Ramdine) after receiving a panicked phone call from Claire. She believes the recent murders in town are supernatural and wants the boys’ help. However, Sheriff Mills tells Sam and Dean that Claire has been getting into trouble lately as she’s been attacking normal people and accusing them of being monsters.”

Sounds like Supernatural may be homaging Gary Sherman’s excellent Dead & Buried!

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (10PM, FXX)

At this point in the culture, the suburbs are fully expected to be lascivious nightmare palaces in opposition to their friendly exteriors, certainly?


Thursday

Clarence (5PM, CARTOON)

“When Clarence is convinced he has the power to manipulate time he vows to only use his “abilities” for good. However, a day at school puts his morals to the test when he’s given the ultimate choice - to help his friends or pause time in the name of fun.”

Legends of Tomorrow (8PM, CW)

“Rip (Arthur Darvill) decides to weaken Vandal Savage (Casper Crump) by going after his financial assets. Rip and Sara (Caity Lotz) infiltrate Savage’s bank, but are discovered by his men. Meanwhile, Snart (Wentworth Miller) and Rory (Dominic Purcell) talk Jax (Franz Drameh) into taking the jump ship back to Central City so they can steal a valuable emerald. Professor Stein (Victor Garber) guides Ray (Brandon Routh) on a dangerous mission.”

You, Me, and the Apocalypse (8PM, NBC)

The 100 (9PM, CW)

“Clarke (Eliza Taylor) wrestles with a decision. Bellamy (Bob Morley) learns that something isn’t what it seems. Meanwhile, Murphy (Richard Harmon) plots to betray his former Chancellor (Isaiah Washington).”

Angel from Hell (9:30PM, CBS)

Colony (10PM, USA)

Elementary (10PM, CBS)

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“Holmes and Watson must search for a killer without any physical evidence to aid them after a bomb is detonated in the New York City morgue. Also, Watson is suspicious when an NYPD detective she’s in a grudge match with asks her to consult on a case.”


Friday

Turbo Fast (3:01AM, NETFLIX)

The third season of the Netflix animated series based on the Dreamworks film, Turbo. All episodes appear mysteriously at 3:01AM, when the nocturnal snail would most likely be watching.

Sleepy Hollow (8PM, FOX)

Returns from hiatus!

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The Vampire Diaries (8PM, CW)

“With the traumatic effects of the Phoenix stone taking a toll on his brother, Stefan (Paul Wesley) attempts to help Damon (Ian Somerhalder) regain his grip on reality, while secretly struggling with his own experience in the stone. Elsewhere, Matt (Zach Roerig) and Bonnie (Kat Graham) deal with the fallout after Julian (guest star Todd Lasance) and his men take over Mystic Falls, leading Matt to spiral out of control and into trouble with an officer named Penny (guest star Ana Nogueira). Meanwhile, Tyler (guest star Michael Trevino) returns to town for Alaric’s (Matt Davis) baby shower and Caroline (Candice King) makes an upsetting discovery involving Alaric and his future plan for the babies.”

The Originals (9PM, CW)

“While Klaus (Joseph Morgan) finds himself dealing with pressing matters at home, Elijah (Daniel Gillies) reluctantly aligns with Aya (guest star Tracy Ifeachor) after learning that she may have knowledge of an elusive weapon that could kill an Original vampire for good. Meanwhile, alone and shunned by her coven of witches, a desperate Davina (Danielle Campbell) is left conflicted after she is approached with an enticing offer that could bring her one step closer to reuniting with Kol.”

Grimm (9PM, NBC)

This sea monster episode is called, “A Reptile Dysfunction”. I’m into it.

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Two Evil Eyes (10PM, EL REY)

An Edgar Allan Poe anthology directed by Dario Argento and George Romero!

Animals (11:30PM, HBO)

“An uninitiated rat gets mating tips from his friend at a subterranean party. A pair of police horses complains about an old acquaintance who’s made it big. A bedbug has a midlife crisis.”

Series premiere. Another crudely animated cartoon series from the network that costs $50 a month!


Saturday

Manson’s Lost Girls (8PM, LIFETIME)

Some inspired casting here: George Spahn is played by John. F. Goff!

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Black Sails (9PM, STARZ)

Beowulf (10PM, ESQUIRE)

Svengoolie Presents Murders in the Rue Morgue (10PM, MeTV)

The finest in orangutan horror.


Sunday

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (11AM, NICK)

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“The Turtles journey through an ocean-like area of space.”

Kitten Bowl III (12PM, HALLMARK)

Well this seems petty: The Hallmark Network, preferring kittens to puppies, has offered an alternative to the annual Puppy Bowl— and it’s a gobsmacking three hours long!

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Puppy Bowl XII (3PM, ANIMAL)

The Puppy Bowl runs a comparatively modest two hours. Puppies need sleep!

Mercy Street (10PM, PBS)

“The Green girls plot to help Tom escape. Dr. Foster guides Samuel through a delicate operation.”

The Venture Bros. (12AM, CARTOON)

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“White and Billy grapple with their archenemy in their old neighborhood; Doc realizes he cannot face his responsibilities alone.”

Contact the author at fisharebeautiful@gmail.com.