Fred Olen Ray was already a legendary director of B movies and exploitation films back in the early 1980s. But amazingly, he's just gotten more prolific with time. His IMDB page lists 134 films with titles like Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Super Ninja Bikini Babes, Invisible Mom II, Droid Gunner and Wizards of the Demon Sword. Here's a very incomplete look at his insane filmography.
It's hard to believe one person is responsible for so much of our bizarre cult movie canon, from 1980's Alien Dead all the way up to our beloved Super Shark. He's possibly best known for the film Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, which we won't cover here since it's not science fiction or fantasy. These days, he seems to do a lot of disaster movies, softcore cable TV porn movies, heartwarming Lifetime TV movies, and films with "Bikini" in their titles. And he just did a successful Kickstarter for a film called Spidora.
Here are just some of the many, many highlights.
Abner, the Invisible Dog (2013)
"A top-secret formula falls into the wrong paws... Bumbling thieves steal top secret Government formulas and hide them in a toy store chemistry set, which is sold and given to a 12 year old boy for his birthday. The boy experiments using the vials and when the family dog licks the concoctions, one makes it TALK and the other makes it invisible! When the parents are away and the boy and dog are home alone, the thieves break in and get more than they bargained for."
Collision Course (2012)
"Kate Parks has spent the past year on tour promoting her book, an in-depth look at the attempted cover up of her husband's death in a plane crash. Now all she wants is to return home to her daughter, 15-year-old Samantha. But when a powerful solar flare strikes her flight home, killing the pilot, knocking out the co-pilot and frying all the electronic systems on the plane, it looks like she may not get there. As panic sets in among the passengers, Kate works with flight attendant Jake to manage the growing chaos and tension on the plane as she tries to keep 30,000 tons of aluminum hurtling through the air at 500 miles per hour. Flying blind, Kate tries to find a way to communicate with air traffic control - one way or another, this plane is coming down. With the passengers' lives on the line, Kate will have to find a way to land safely... or never see her daughter again."
Dirty Blondes From Beyond (2012)
"With the Galaxy under attack, Princess Farra and her beautiful bodyguard flee to a strange alien planet - Earth. They are pursued by the evil Empress and her henchwoman."
Super Shark (2011)
"An offshore drilling accident releases a giant primordial shark. When the shark flies and walks on land threatening to turn a bikini contest into a bloodbath, marine biologist Kat Carmichael arrives to destroy the shark and save beach-goers. Her efforts are stymied by corporate bad guy Roger Wade and his flunky Stewart who are only interested in their own agenda of money, money, money. With time running out for beach loving humans, Carmichael recruits heroic skipper Chuck and fearless disc jockey Dynamite Stevens to help her blast the blood thirsty shark back to a watery grave." Seriously, check out the funktastic trailer and theme song! That song WILL get stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Plus lines of dialogue like, "It ate the Queen of the Beach!" and "A walking tank for a walking shark!" This might be my favorite B-movie EVER.
Sexual Witchcraft (2011)
From IDMB: " Fred Olen Ray cheapie about a witch (Christine Nguyen) who has yet to tell her new husband about her secret. Another witch (Holly Sampson) shows up and brings Cleopatra with her while a nosy neighbor (Michelle Bauer) tries to prove that they're all witches. SEXUAL WITCHCRAFT is about as good as you can get in regards to a softcore film that was obviously thrown together on a very small budget. Mr. Fred Olen Ray was certainly an expert at the time this thing was made and I do wonder if the hiring of Sampson was something to get the film more sales since she was in the news for the Tiger Woods scandal."
Bikini Time Machine (2011)
Presumably this softcore porn flick is an attempt to cash in on Hot Tub Time Machine? Except that the bikinis don't actually cause you to travel in time — it's just that the people who travel in time in this movie like to wear bikinis. And in a "clever" twist on the Terminator time-travel rules, anyone who travels through time in this film arrives really horny. To quote Amazon.com reviews, "I'd pay $20 to have NEVER seen this movie."
Housewives from Another World (2010)
"When space aliens invade the bodies of three beautiful earth women they soon learn to have sex, more sex." Check out a clip where one of the aliens takes over another Earth woman's body using her special necklace. Warning: the dubbing is kind of weird. Another work-safe clip, featuring the finest softcore porn acting, here.
Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2010)
We actually posted a clip from this completely demented softcore porn pastiche of Indiana Jones before, without realizing it was directed by Fred Olen Ray. (As with many of these films, he directed it under a sobriquet.)As we wrote back then: " Just check out this scene where "Dr. Jones," held prisoner via a diamond-studded kitty-collar, is menaced by a giant lizard and meets a glittery-breasted supervillain. Why did the real Indiana Jones never offer to go down like a two-bit diva on a tequila bender? That would have been the best scene in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, right there."
Turbulent Skies (2010)
There are a lot of airplane disaster movies on this list, and this one is especially bonkers. From the official synopsis: " A new "pilotless" commercial airplane veers off course and is about to be shot down by the military, along with everyone onboard. The only chance to save the passengers is if the man who built the computer can regain control. But first he has to get on the plane!"
Bikini Frankenstein (2010)
There's no trailer for this movie online (why not?!) but an actor who was in it has posted a clip reel of his work including a few scenes from this movie, plus Ray's Bewitched Housewives. Here's the synopsis: " The immortal tale of Frankenstein gets a modern update with a sexy twist as Dr. Frankenstein creates the perfect woman: the only question is if anyone can really tell the difference? Frankenstein decides to put his creation, Eve, to the ultimate test with hilarious and sensuous results. Guaranteed to make you stiff with laughter! Featuring exciting newcomer Jayden Cole as the Creature along with fan favorites Christine Nguyen and Brandin Rackley."
Polar Opposites aka Deadly Shift (2008)
From IMDB: "When Earth's magnetic poles begin reversing, David Terran, the only scientist who predited the possibility of such a sci-fi disaster, must join forces with his estranged friend and lover to save the world. Though his writings found mass readership, scientists scoffed at his theories. But when an Iranian underground nuclear test sets off a global phenomenon that matches David's doomsday scenario, he must attempt to find a solution in order to avoid a catastrophic event of global proportions." Why would anybody scoff at the idea of the poles reversing?
The Girl With The Sex Ray Eyes (2007)
"An American secret agent and an evil female supercriminal vie to recover a pair of top secret X-ray vision glasses that have accidentally fallen into the hands of a ditzy stripper."
Nuclear Hurricane (2007)
"When a devastating hurricane heads towards the Seaview nuclear power plant, a group of desperate workers race to thwart nature's fury and prevent a catastrophe of epic proportions. With the storm strengthening, and the danger of a core meltdown growing, man's greatest invention is about to become mankind's biggest threat."
Bikini Girls From the Lost Planet (2006)
Above is a super-neat (and probably worksafe) compilation of the worst scenes from this movie. In which we "Blast off to the farthest reaches of deep space as two star-lost foxes from the all-lesbian planet of Aquaterra head for Earth in search of the finest male breeding stock."
Tomb of the Werewolf (2004)
Pretty high concept — this movie wraps in Countess Bathory, werewolf curses, and a man being followed by a reality TV crew as he searches for the truth about his family.
Thirteen Erotic Ghosts (2004)
Worth mentioning because this is kind of a bizarre porn parody to exist — there was a horror movie in 2001 called Thirteen Ghosts, and somebody must have thought it would be a surefire hit to do a softcore porn version? In any case, it's set in a girls' school and is in fake 3-D, and stars Julie Strain.
From IMDB: " Mutant snakes survived a terrorist attack on a government laboratory, and they now threaten the town of Santa Mira Springs, California. Seismic activity has brought snakes to the surface, where residents are being bitten. Victims can transmit the virus to healthy persons. The military puts the town under quarantine. Local physicians try to control the epidemic, while the military is primarily concerned with keeping the virus a secret." So wait... terrorists cause the snakes to mutate, and then the snakes create a contagious virus?
"While visiting a traveling carnival full of human freaks, high school students nearly join as permanent members." Warning: trailer is on Youtube but may not be quite worksafe.
Fugitive Mind (1999)
You seriously have to check out the awesome late-90s graphics in this trailer, plus the amazing voiceover. Michael Dudikoff finds out his whole life is a lie, because he's been mentally reprogrammed!
Invisible Mom 2 (1999)
Featuring Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees, plus Mary Woronov from Eating Raoul. Another trailer with agreat voiceover! "Twelve-year-old orphan, Eddie Brown (Justin Berfield, MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE) has finally found a family to call his own. He has a cool new brother, a crazy chemist of a father and a groovy new mom (Dee Wallace Stone, E.T.) whose only problem is that she sometimes disappears! When two long-lost cousins (Mary Woronov and Mickey Dolenz) suddenly show up to adopt Eddie, he learns he is the sole heir to millions of dollars. Little does he realize his cousins want the money for themselves and are hatching an elaborate plot to do away with him. With his life in danger, who appears (and disappears) on the scene, but his new INVISIBLE MOM 2!"
The Prophet, aka Capitol Conspiracy (1999)
Starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson! From IMDB: " A federal agent who has the ability to see into the future (as a result of a secret experiment that was conducted on him when he was a child) is ordered to find the others who were part of that experiment. But, they keep getting killed just before he can bring them in, and now someone wants him dead too."
Billy Frankenstein (1998)
The only clips I can find are dubbed in Spanish, but you can still get the gist. From IMDB: " Billy Frank is an ordinary kid, until his family inherits an old castle and Billy learns he's a distant relative of the infamous Dr. Frankenstein. Billy's folks decide to visit their family estate, and Billy soon discovers they're not alone..."
Here's a clip reel with somewhat snarky voiceover, from the Watercooler folks. In this film: " A group of space renegades hook up with a drifter named McQueen. Together they hole up in an abandoned research facility for the night and are relentlessly pursued by a human/monster hybrid." It contains gratuitous lesbian shower scenes and the line, "It's time to maintain the sex machine." Plus a really amazing lizard creature. See for yourself!
Invisible Mom (1996)
And here's the freaklarious trailer for the first Invisible Mom. "Not seeing is believing... Ten-year-old Josh Griffin isn't number one on his school's popularity list, due to the exploits of his wacky inventor dad. But Professor Griffin may have a success on his hands with his latest experiment: an invisibility potion! Josh figures if he gets his hands on the stuff, he'll have it made - he can sneak out and stay up as late as he wants! But when Mrs. Griffin (Dee Wallace Stone, ET, THE FRIGHTENERS) accidentally drinks the potion, the Griffins have a whole new problem: INVISIBLE MOM!" They also made Invisible Dad.
Star Hunter (1996)
Like Invisible Mom, this is a Roger Corman production. And it's basically a low-rent Predator 2. From IMDB: "Star hunters are the space monsters who hunt helpless creatures for pleasure. One night couple of high school football players and their cheerleaders are returning home after the lost game. But, when their bus makes the wrong turn, they are going to meet those creatures, and the real game will begin."
Attack of the 60-Foot Centerfolds (1995)
Another trailer boasting an insane voiceover. In this film, a woman swallows too much of a secret height-enhancement formula and redefines "Supermodel." Soon other models are swallowing it too, and there are giant women doing modeling shoots with regular sized cars everywhere. Or something.
Witch Academy (1995)
Check out this super-brief clip, in which Wanda Warden (Suzanne Ager) marries Satan (Robert Vaughn) and then declares, "The Honeymoon is over! When we get to Hell, I'm going to kick your ass!"
Droid Gunner aka Cyberzone (1995)
Annnnd here's another clip reel with snarky voiceover, from the Watercooler folks. Mark Singer — the Beastmaster and the former star of V! — stars as Jack Ford a hunter battling mutants and trying to rescue "pleasure droids." Who are basically sexy robots, who are illegal after the apocalypse, because of apocalyptic reasons.
Dinosaur Island (1994)
"Welcome to lush Dinosaur Island, where a tribe of gorgeous cavedwelling warrior women satisfy the exotic fantasies of five downed military airmen. Fearsome battles with the island's ferocious maneating dinosaurs are the only disruption of their seductive pleasures on this island paradise. Narrowly surviving with their lives, the rugged men fall under the seductive spell of their lovely captors and soon find their every dream fulfilled."
Evil Toons (1992)
Basically like a weird gonzo horror version of Roger Rabbit, made for no money. From IMDB: " Burt has a cleaning company and hires four women to clean an isolated house. They find an old book, a dagger and a soul shred and when one of them, Megan, reads an incantation, she unleashes an evil beast in our world." Starring David Carradine!
Wizards of the Demon Sword (1991)
You seriously have to listen to the amazing music in this trailer. You will thank me. This is a Troma joint, and here's the description: "After her father is imprisoned by evil sorcerer Lord Khoura, young Princess Melina joins forces with traveling swordsman Thane to hunt down the devious warlock and reclaim the coveted Knife of Aktar, which gives its owner unlimited powers! Coming across a colorful assortment of elves, imps and ogres along the way, Melina and Thane journey across a fantastic middle-earth landscape into a final showdown where the forces of good and evil go head to head in a battle to the death!"
Bad Girls from Mars (1990)
More great voiceover and amazing music in the trailer for this film satirizing Hollywood. Which is available for just $2.99 on VOD. I get the distinct feeling this movie was a straight-up sexy murder mystery about struggling actresses killing each other, and then someone decided to splice in space footage and make it a movie about actresses from outer space, because.
"Kol is an evil guy about to be executed on a distant spaceship. He manages to escape on a shuttle and make his way to some woods in America. The commander of the spaceship decides to send out The Alienator to execute Kol at all costs. Kol meets up with some teens and Ward Armstrong and together they all try not to get killed by the pursuing Woman of Death - The Alienator."
Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)
Another wacky Hollywood satire. From IMDB: "A trio of geeks go to Hollywood to make a movie and are bored one night so they get some hookers to have some sex. Unfortunately, the hookers like to drink blood."
Deep Space (1988)
Probably the best five minutes from this film, featuring a baby alien attacking people, are right here. From IMDB: "An American satellite with a new biological weapon gets out of control and crashes onto US territory. A slimy monster emerges and manages to escape, killing everyone who crosses his path. Police Lieutenant McLemore gets the job to stop the killing machine."
We've celebrated the wonder of this film before — it co-stars the amazing Jeffrey Combs as the inventor the world's most advanced motorcycle. A motorcycle — with lasers! And jets! And other stuff. But it must not fall into the wrong hands. Check out Combs looking extra smokin' on his high tech motorcycle with 80s hair.