Disney is continuing the Lucasfilm tradition of doling out Star Wars licenses to every last company on earth who wants to make merchandise. A couple years ago, Vans showed us that Star Wars shoes weren’t an awful idea, but we take it all back after seeing these footwear creations from Irregular Choice.
There’s no shame in being a Star Wars fan, no matter what age you are, or even if you love the prequels. That is, unless you’re attending a screening, or a fan event, while wearing a pair of these—any of these.
Inspired by—a bin full of fabric scraps, maybe?—the shoe lineup includes everything from glowing lightsabers and golden busts of Vader used as heels, to patterned fabrics that look like they were removed from a Rancor’s butt. Each pair is about as subtle as the Death Star trying to sneak up on a planet it’s targeting, and it doesn’t seem like a coordinated color palette was ever a concern during the design phase.
There’s even a series of flats available, with slightly subdued stylings. But they start at $184 a pair, and are the cheapest option in Irregular Choice’s line-up. These lightsaber ankle boots will set you back just shy of $350, and, even more disappointingly, they’re somehow completely sold out. Maybe it’s best we just cancel all those upcoming sequels if these are the consequences of more Star Wars—it just can’t be worth it.