Last night we all said goodbye to True Blood forever, and shit got weird. Really weird and morbid and silly and—well, it was all just so very True Blood.
What a weird, weird, weird episode of True Blood. This is the second to last episode of True Blood ever and there was so much good, and so much wah-wah Vampire Bill. But that's OK, because love returned and now we are all alive again.
True Blood is hell bent on getting shit done this week. So hang on tight, because True Blood is about to wrap things up, and fast. Oh, also there were some ridiculous/horrifying medieval torture sex toys, because True Blood!
Last night's episode may have been filled with people just setting things up for the next week (and yeah, that's lame), but it did herald the return of America's Boyfriend. Plus we got to see what Vampire Pity Sex looks like.
Cue up the Elton John, because The Bitch is Back. This week, True Blood brought back old bitchy Bill. And it was great, until Sookie made it all about her. You're the worst, Sookie! Spoilers ahead.
Last night, everyone in Bon Temps got drunk and made really bad decisions at a wake party—as you do when you are from Bon Temps and regularly have sex with dead things. But more importantly, our favorite vampire recreated a scene from Terminator 2 and now everything is perfect and beautiful.
OK, now that was a very good episode of True Blood, mostly because it ended a lot of annoying story lines that no one cared about in favor of delivering piping hot fan service—and one reveal so fantastic it almost caused me to throw both my wine and my cat.
I am NOT HAPPY about last night's True Blood. SO not happy. But I don't want to spoil it all right now, so let me explain what happened pro/con style.
True Blood, a show where one character can literally explode in another's crotch, and no, I don't just mean sex. Yes, of course, there was sex; this is True Blood! And last night, a whole lotta ground-shaking crotch explosions occurred—but no actual plot advancement, mostly just nonsense and crotch stuff.
Welp, this is it: the very first episode of the very last season of True Blood. And for the beginning of the end of the vampire hump-hump show, I was a little nonplussed. I mean, there was still excellent vampire sex and death, but I gotta say, I expected a wee bit more in the What-the-Fuckery department. But let me…
This was it: the very last episode of True Blood season six. And not a single moment of it made a lick of sense. However we did get to see that VAMPIRE DONG DA DONG DONG DONG. Spoilers ahead, plus this recap is NSFW for random, dancing vamp breasticles.
Sometimes, when a series is comfortable with its fans, it will take giant leaps of faith that are no longer aimed at the casual viewers, but just for the die-hards. Like the end of Battlestar Galactica. Or this latest episode of True Blood, where a human person bites into their own arm and doesn't scream bloody murder.
Two important things happened on Sunday's True Blood. First, everybody told Bill he sucks (he does suck. You SUCK, BILL). And second, the most epic girl fight in the history of shows about vampires who mash their naughty bits took place. To the Pro/Con mobile!
One character died and a bunch of other characters had sex (OK, the second part isn't that surprising for True Blood) but still, why did it feel like nothing happened last night? Is this what a vampire treading water looks like?
Alright, alright, alright, alright, I'm SORRY. I'm so so so so sorry. And I'm not sorry I'm not sorry, I'm genuinely sorry I missed doing the True Blood recap this week. So here it is...
The name of this True Blood episode is "Fuck The Pain Away." HBO is preaching directly to the choir, and we are eating it up. Preach on you Kings and Queens of Bon Temps. That's right True Blood is back to being awesome again. It's time to remember why you started watching this series, Pro/Con style. Spoilers...
Holy Hog Tits — last night's True Blood felt like a some crazy first season shit. There was V-Juice tripping, vampire fantasies, new sex games and big fat vampire mistakes. It was really, truly awesome. If this is the new direction for True Blood, I am on board. Now let's dissect the awesomeness, Pro/Con style.
What was that? No seriously, what the hell did we just watch? I love this show, but it is very lucky that vampires have the power to float outside bedroom windows and be sexy or else I'M OUT. Slightly NSFW gifs ahead.
True Blood is BAAAAAaaaaaaack! And we're so excited. Here it is — the first super spoilery recap to the 6th season premiere episode stuffed to the brim with HOT VAMPIRE BOOK READING ACTION.