Warning: Profanity-laced lamentations ahead.
Perfect for a night of clicking through films you have no intention of watching.
With every passing election year, the statistical likelihood increases that we'll elect a U.S. president who's really a robot, or an alien. Or maybe a charismatic plant, grown in some kind of tank. How will you recognize a non-human candidate for president when one comes along? And more importantly, which non-human…
Every now and then, an article comes along in The Onion that we wish were actually true — like this one, about Bruce Springsteen recording a whole album about workers on Mars called Red Dust.
The Onion has just released a 12-minute news broadcast from the year 2137, thanks to their wormhole-satellite technology. We've got two video clips from the newscast. Check out the weird, hilarious future world dreamed up by the Onion crew.
While waiting for Lost's final mindfrak this Sunday, spend some time looking at all the brilliant artwork, videos, and photoshopperie this epic show inspired. Check out our massive round-up.
Wondering why your love life seems so repetitive and directionless? The answer may be that you're continually dating the same man, as the Onion so helpfully explains with this warning: Wake up. He's a Shapeshifter.
The Onion has a hilarious news piece about just how obsessed Lost fans can get. We'd poke fun too, if we didn't spend every holiday dinner in our "Drive Shaft" T-shirts, trying to explaining the black-and-white Lost symbolism.
Wonder what the you from an alternate timeline watches on television? The Onion explains all with the smart Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War. Worth it for the Battlestar Gleichschaltung joke alone. [The Onion]
The melting of the polar ice caps has supervillains all in a panic. It's not just that global warming has stolen their thunder (though that doesn't help). The melting ice has also revealed their secret Arctic lairs. [The Onion]
This just in: The moon landings were not faked. This may not seem like news to you, but to readers of two Bangladeshi newspapers, it's the subject of a surprise apology. Blame a lack of fact-checkers... and fake news sources.
Today's mock dispatch from The Onion explains how Gabriel Fournier wrote his sure-to-be-hit novel The Eclipse Of Infinity by attributing every plot advancement, character development, and conflict resolution to a vaguely defined concept called "quantum flux:"
With Lost going into its final season next year, wouldn't it be great if there was a spin-off show ready to follow it? In the we-wish-we-could-visit-it world of The Onion, there is, and it stars the show's most mysterious character.
I no longer listen to The Onion Radio News for humor, but with a tinge of hope that some day, this will all be real and mutants and humans will find peace. Just listen: