Just an FYI: Rod Stewart has a song on his new album, Another Country, that is really called “Batman Superman Spiderman.” It’s apparently a lullaby he wrote his 4-year-old kid, which is kind of sweet, until you listen to the song and life stops making sense.

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I don’t personally listen to a lot of lullabies in general, but I think the song is mainly achieving what Stewart wanted it to. I guess using branded characters in a lullaby is a sad comment on the commercialization of modern childhood, but it’s for a four-year-old boy. Of course he likes superheroes and Toy Story.

All that said, the song—and especially the chorus that chants “Batman Superman Spiderman” over and over again—depresses me profoundly, and I don’t even know why. Ever since I listened to the damn thing I’ve felt sad and it’s been difficult for me to concentrate on things and also I’ve been kind of nauseous. So of course I wanted to share it with you all.

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By the way, if your first thought upon reading that headline was “Wait a minute, Spider-Man is supposed to be hyphenated!” congratulations, because you’re as big a nerd as I am.

A technical thanks to EL34 for the tip.


Contact the author at rob@io9.com.