So, Netflix released the trailer for the new Inspector Gadget. And it's ... not good. In fact, it's very, very bad.

Putting aside the eldritch abomination that is Brain — and, make no mistake, the way that dog is animated will haunt your nightmares. And putting aside the how off Chief Quimby's voice is. And putting aside the un-coolening of Dr. Claw by adding all that purple and red — the simplicity of all black and the metal hand was the best part! And putting aside the addition of a a good-looking nephew of Dr. Claw's, which will undoubtedly be a sort of love interest for Penny, which is deeply unnecessary because Penny was always awesome on her own, defeating adult bad guys and helping her uncle with just the help of the very put-upon Brain — but putting aside all of those things: What the hell happened to the theme song?

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The original Inspector Gadget theme song is an earworm of exquisite beauty. The song itself has exactly four words in it: "Inspector," "Gadget," "Go," and "Woo-hoo." And yet, arranged in such a way that it's impossible to get out of your head. This new one is like the dance remix no one has ever asked for. Honestly, I've never felt older than at this exact moment.

On the other hand, that little opening bit with the golf club seemed to get the feeling right, at least.


Contact the author at katharine@io9.com.