In the latest blow for gender equality in fictional entertainment, a female agent will be one of the new protagonists of the fourth Men in Black film, according to producer Laurie MacDonald. Somewhere, someone with a penis is probably just furious about it.
This strikes me as deeply funny. Not the new female MiB character, that’s actually only noteworthy in the fact that she’ll presumably be replacing franchise stars Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones, neither of whom have yet signed on for the film—but that somewhere, there’s some dude who saw this news and is reeling in shock and outrage. He quick copies the text of the screed on men’s rights he was writing for the IGN comment section or some shit and saves it in a Word document for later. He opens a new comment on the MiB4 news, and starts typing before he bothers to establish a coherent thought on the subject, letting his anger drive his fingers. To him, feminizing—nay, ruining the paragons of masculinity that are the Men in Black is the final straw, just like the previous eight final straws.
Those darn vagina-owners are coming for all I hold dear, he thinks as he reaches the 1,000 word mark. But they won’t take the valiant men of the Men in Black from me without a fight. I mean, what are the going to call the movie—Women in Black?! He chortles, not at the joke, which he is confident has occurred to no one else. He laughs because he knows that with this devastating observation, he’s won the argument, even if those SJW fools are going to be too foolish to realize it.
Truly, my cause is just, he thinks as he hits “post comment.” He expects it will take a day or two for the bon mot to reach the nefarious MacDonald, whom he assumes is a new producer determined to “pussify” the Men in Black, never bothering to check IMDB to see that she’s produced all three MiB movies, as well as Gladiator. Add another day or two after that for MacDonald to recover emotionally, like women need to do, in order to cancel her foolish female propaganda.
He can wait; he has plenty to do until then, many more comments to write. He has won this battle. But the war against icky girls rages ever on.
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