J.J. Abrams has revealed the names of his brand new Star Wars characters from Star Wars: The Force Awakens. And they are the most Star Wars names we have ever heard.

Entertainment Weekly has revealed the new crop of names via Photoshopped vintage Topps Star Wars trading cards, made up with stills from the recently released teaser trailer.

  • Oscar Isaac is Poe Dameron
  • the Ball droid is BB-8
  • The cross bar saber holder is Kylo Ren
  • Daisy Ridley is Rey
  • John Boyega is Finn.

Yesh, sorry Oscar Isaacs — that name is ridiculous. Also if you're wondering about the numbers on each card, EW asked Abrams and he said YES, they do mean something. What? We have no idea. Any takers?

Also Daisy is named Rey? So much for our Kira theory.