Harrison Ford would like to welcome you to Battle School! And then he'd like to depress you by reminding you of the ever-present alien threat and how you kids are the only thing standing in the way of another slaughter of countless innocent human beings. No pressure, though!

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So Mazer Rackham pulled the ol' "Randy Quaid in Independence Day" maneuver, huh? Hey, it may not be original, but if it works, it works.