Sorry for the lack of a "Postal Apocalypse" last week, folks! If I could drop my faux fake postman-of-the-post-apocalypse shtick for a brief moment, I was still suffering the effects of the norovirus, which basically means I was ejecting fluids from both ends of my body like the world's most disgusting human sprinkler attachment. But I'm back, the bodily fluids have stopped flying, and your letters need to be answered! Don't forget to send your letters to email@example.com! No letter too weird, no letter too dumb! I can'rt promise anything about the answers, though.
Supposing hypothetically, I was working on a paranormal romance about the forbidden love between a young woman and a C.H.U.D. inspired monster. The goal is to make the C.H.U.D. romantically appealing, yet have him retain his essential C.H.U.D.ness. Is just making him glittery enough? Originally I thought this, but then I remembered the Gorn with his glittery eyes had kinda struck out with the female demographic. It seems, no matter how many bouts with a shirtless Kirk, women find Gorn unsexy (for instance, when brought up repeatedly on dates). How far do I need to transform my repulsive sewer monster shy of turning him into a pale Justin Beiber with a glittery pony mane?
Also, wouldn't getting zombie goo on your lower lip, or in your eyes, have the same effect as getting bit?
Alas, you're going to need to crank up the Humanoid factor to basically 11. C.H.U.D.s –- and there's a pic on the left for those who've forgotten their appearance –- look like Jawas who have been put in the microwave for 60 straight minutes, and there's absolutely no part of that anybody finds sexy. Meanwhile, the appeal of Edward and the other Twilight vampires is 1) they look like attractive humans, 2) they seem to be bad because they're vampires while 3) they're not actually bad at all. Twilight's vampires are attractive boys who claim they have "dark secrets" while they happily wait decades to have sex. The glitter is merely a bonus.
So you're going to need an Extreme C.H.U.D. Makeover if you want the ladies to fall for one. Let's say you start with a young man — thin, but with abs. You could probably get away with shaving his head, but he'd need his original eyes so he could look soulfully at girls. You could probably make him glisten, but only in a "covered in floor wax" way, not a "covered in viscera" way. All in all… yeah, this just ends up being Justin Bieber. But he eats human flesh and is sad about it! He has a troubled soul!
Also: Yes. That's always bugged me about zombie flicks. If zombism is passed through a bite, it should inevitably be passed through any wound where a zombie breaks the flesh, including scratches (but not when a zombie, say, rips your arm out of your socket and starts eating it). And the disease should especially be contracted when you smash a zombie's head and blood goes flying into your eye, mouth or any open wound. Sometimes in The Walking Dead Rick and crew are covered in zombie juice and just chilling out, and if drives me crazy.
What do you think Marvel's "52" promos mean?
At the moment, Marvel has relased two new promos — one containing nothing but 52 claw marks, ostensibly scratched by Wolverine, and another containing the #1 made up of the names of 52 Marvel characters. The reason we haven't mentioned them on io9 yet is partially because the promos are boring, but mostly because they don't offer a single hint of what Marvel's planning. All they show is that Marvel is mocking DC's New 52, because Marvel is a jerk like that. We hear anything else, we'll let you know.
My Aim Is True
Based on your Arrow "rules" (in "7 Superheroes Who Should Get Their Own Arrow-style TV Shows"), shouldn't that mean shows like The Cape and Heroes and No Ordinary Family should have been instant hits? They had a clear beginning, have drama other than superheroics, and none of them had many special effects.