In this week's "Postal Apocalypse," we're talking the Fringe finale, Dragonball Z, Jimmy Olsen's potential sex change, and, of course, more apocalyptic advice. Also, I've tried to create the grand unified theory of why (and how much) nerds get upset regarding changes to their favorite characters and franchises. As always, please email your questions to email@example.com. Now, on with your letters!
In the Post-Apocalypse USA, what level of priority do you put the different level of doctors out there? Obviously most doctors have specialties/fields, or is the "general" doctor your preferred MD? Do dentists fall anywhere in importance (no one seems brush in the post-world)?
Basically, the only doctor worth a damn in the post-apocalypse is someone who can heal people with the tools on hand, most likely bandages, splints, maybe antiseptics and/or antibiotics, if you get lucky and find some somewhere. Any doctor that needs to prescribe something you don't have or can't get does not matter. Oh, you need glasses? Too bad. You have asthma? Go look for an inhaler, I guess. You have high blood pressure? Well, the zombies were going to kill you anyways.
Of course, it's not like medical specialists ignore the basics; that's why they take 18 million years of medical school; even a neurosurgeon should be able to do all the things a general practice doctor would do. But here's where the general practice doctor has the advantage — diagnosis. Now, while I'm sure some neurosurgeons remember every single human body problem and illness they studied, most of them will have dropped that knowledge to concentrate on brain stuff — it's what makes them good neurosurgeons.
But again, no amount of neurosurgical knowledge is going to do anybody a lick of good after the apocalypse. Being able to tell when a child has ebola and needs to be abandoned by the side of the road to prevent the rest of the group from getting it? Useful.
Dear Mr. Postman,
Why is it that every battle post-Freeza in Dragon Ball Z, islands keep getting destroyed by either the hero, villain, or both, and there freshly new ones with grass and trees in the next episode. What kind of Earth is it when destroying the lands only serves to bring new lands like the Hydra? And are there any Earths like that?
Well, you're assuming that Goku and pals just didn't travel to new, verdant landscapes for each battle. I mean, max, each battle destroyed a few hundred acres of land; it only seems like more because each battle lasted three weeks or so. The Earth could easily accommodate that, in the sense it provides all that land for the destroying. In another sense, SUPER SAIYANS ARE CAUSING GLOBAL WARNING.
As for what kind of Earth it is, it's worth remembering that the Earth of Dragonball Z once featured a dog ninja, a sentient piece of candy that beat the shit out of a being that killed 99.999% of the Earth's population in about two minutes, and an anthropomorphic pig that asked a wish-granting dragon for a pair of women's panties. So it's best to not worry too much about it.
To me movies are not so much about entertainment, as they are about preparation for the apocalypse. That being said, I recently watched a movie "Trial of the Screaming Forehead" which has me stumped. Essentially the movie explores the likely scenario that prosthetic foreheads from beyond the moon invade a small town (presumably as a first step to global domination). The foreheads had two weaknesses, sound and a substance called foreheadrazine. In the movie a scientist with a chronic foreheadrazine addiction finds he has influence with the foreheads and they decide to elect him king. I've looked into obtaining foreheadrazine for my go bag with no luck. Also, I wonder if I were to obtain foreheadrazine and become the alien king, would that make me a sellout? Would it be akin to me purposefully becoming a super zombie in order to become king of the zombies? Should I worry about selling out humanity in such drastic times?
First of all, zombies don't have kings, super or otherwise. They're libertarians.
As for the Forehead People situation, it depends entirely on what you do once you become king. Do you work to bring your giant foreheaded people to some sort of accord with the remaining humans, and usher in an age of peace? Or would you simply wallow in your new lifestyle, having your new subjects bring you gold, and cavorting with giant foreheaded concubines while the screams of smaller foreheaded humans waft through your open windows? Becoming king of an alien race wouldn't make you a sellout, it's what you would do afterwards -– or not do, I suppose -– that would decide whether you're a traitor to the entire human race.
But what you should be worried about is the giant forehead people. Nic Cage. James Van Der Beek. Walton Gogglins. Peyton Manning! They're here, and they're watching us! … with their giant, giant foreheads.
Is it me, or did the Fringe finale kind of suck? Not like Lost levels of suck, just kind of a mild pull of general suckiness throughout.
I wouldn't go that far. Obviously, Charlie Jane has the full rundown of the episode here, and I agree with everything she says, but for my two cents: