The classic rallying-the-troops speech is a chance for genre movies to achieve Oscar-winning heights of emotional triumph with great acting and writing. And many scifi and fantasy movies have aced it, like Captain Picard in Star Trek: First Contact or Mal in Serenity. But then there are a lot of other movies that have failed, hard at achieving Saint Crispin's Day status. And today we pay tribute to the failures. These are speeches that are supposed to provide incredible emotional payoff, but instead they are so cheesy and bewildering that they have become legends of terribleness in their own right.
11) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Elizabeth Swann's long fart of a "what do you want to die for" speech would have made us walk the plank.
10) Snow White and the Huntsman
Snow White steps up to the mound and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The whole speech is an odd jumble of strangely emphasized words. "Iron will melt! But it will writhe inside itself! I know that light burns in all of you!" What?
Otherwise known as the "14 Brave Souls" speech.
Jake Sully who is not a Na'vi, organizes the Na'vi revolution. Because, let's face it, were those blue kitties ever going to get it together? I mean they still called us "sky people" for goodness sakes.
7) Street Fighter:The Movie
Guile is going to kick Bison's ass so horde.
Damn King Leonidas — apparently there was just a shit ton of cocaine handy back in the olden days.
5) Transformers: The Movie
Optimus Prime sends out a message of hope, doesn't apologize for destroying most of our planet with his robot problems.
4) Dark of the Moon
Just when you thought he was dead, not really a battle cry, we know. But it's still just as offensive with the Linkin Park ending.
3) Judge Dredd
I am the... wait what?
2) Deep Blue Sea
We're not even putting this on here for the big death at the end. No this speech gets its crapola rating for the whole "Ice moves like it has a mind" gobbledygook Samuel L. Jackson was spewing. How no one raised a hand and said, "Look Quint, ice has a mind... really? Sit down and be quiet — we're trying to fight super intelligent sharks here."
1) Independence Day
Today is the WORLD'S Independence Day... Also why are we letting him fly?
UPDATE: Adding more because, there are so, so many more.
The Matrix: Reloaded
Don't be afraid because you're not dead yet. Now dance! Thanks to commenter Audiophile81.
There is a lot of yelling and confusion, but then they're pretty much OK with fighting. Thanks to commenter Pepe Thunder.
The Last Airbender
"I ran away, but I'm back now!" OOF.
Thanks to commenter Ahmad Mahn.
Add your own favorites in comments.
Hat tip to Matt Bollinger, Marc Bernardin, Nisha Gopalan, Robert Gonzalez, Rob Bricken and TV Tropes for reminding us of the awful Avatar Sully Speech.