Last night on Once Upon A Time, we learned the backstory to Ruby, aka Red Riding Hood. It was filler of the highest form — and pretty all over the place. In one episode, Ruby met her Mom, learned how to control her wolf changing side, solidified her relationship with Snow White, and killed her mom... and then some other stuff happened. It was laden with crackadoodle quotes.
Which we rounded up all together, so you too could relive Once Upon A Time: Puppy Nights. Spoilers ahead...
QUOTE: "Lock this up [Jefferson's hat] keep it safe. By this time tomorrow we'll have enough dust to make it work again." - Blue Fairy.
RESPONSE: LOL NO. Now we know what's not going to work by "this time" tomorrow.
QUOTE: "I was a Mouse. My name is Gus. I lived in Cinderella's pantry. I ate cheese, I gnawed on wood, but I prefer cheese." - Gus the Mouse.
RESPONSE: He was a mouse, but now he prefers sex with hot ladies over cheese.
QUOTE: [Answering the phone] "Sheriff?" - Prince Charming
RESPONSE: Something about the way Charming has just taken over this job fills me with laughter.
QUOTE: - "You chose her," - Anita. "No I chose me," - Ruby.
RESPONSE: Dylan OR Brandon? Kelly CHOOSES ME!
QUOTE: "We know who she is, we know where she's hiding, so why is she still alive?" - Charles Widmore
RESPONSE: Why are these people holding torches. Did magic come back and destroy all the flashlights, headlights and lanterns? What about street lights? This town has burned down almost 1,000 times, Charming should have put a stop to random fire brigades.
QUOTE: "I just want to see the look on your face when you realize something... You're never going to see your wife or your daughter again." - Charles Widmore
RESPONSE: Wait, doesn't Jefferson just have a shitload of non-magical hats in his house? The old hat was no longer magical? So how is this different from all the other hats in his house? Sure Charming and Ruby don't know that, but wouldn't their first move be to go to Jefferson's house and ask him to make a NEW hat?
QUOTE: "I didn't lose my family today. I protected it." - Ruby
I dunno... this was not a great episode for me. I didn't buy that Ruby cared about any of her new wolf pals. Plus it all felt like it happened in one day, whereas I guess it was actually two days or something. It was bad. Ruby was not selling me on any emotion, sadly. Also, is it weird that the wolf people change without losing their clothes? I know it's magic, but it still feels weird.
EDIT (I responded to this in the comments below because, well some folks were a little miffed that I changed up the review style to something a little more... snappy). [This] was absolutely a filler review. I had nothing to say about this episode other than TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE. So I tried to think of a creative way to get through this review with out pointing out every terrible problem at great length. Like how the people of Stroybrooke are all horrible monsters and relish in murdering their neighbors. The fact that, sadly, Ruby can not act her out of a red cape. The fact that they finally introduce a black character and then immediately kill him off. But I decided to just point out the most ridiculous moments (the terrible dialogue) and then move on with my life. I wanted to put as much effort as they did into the words I was typing. Basically, I chose me.
Oh well — next week looks a lot better. I'm kind of curious about the nightmare talks between Aurora and Henry.