It's been long established that children's coloring books are the apex of any and all science fiction narratives. Star Trek is no different, what with over two dozen coloring books to the franchise's name. Here are some select scenes for your enjoyment and/or confusion. Who wants to draw Geordi's visor?
Let's start with this scene, which comes from the 1979 coloring book Rescue in Raylo. Kirk and the gang battle a mad scientist and his tiny robot army who want to transform the Enterprise crew into mindless slaves. And because of these plot particulars, 1970s children got to color William Shatner in a state of imperiled ignorance.
Of course, Spock saves the day. We have seen fine portraits of Leonard Nimoy, but never one so aggressively macho. If you're looking to develop an acute case of objectum sexuality, this is a good place to start.
Beat the hell out of that Smurf, Kirk! Beat him to corpse!
Yes, Star Trek coloring books were brimming with bafflement and violence. Planet Encal's Dilemma gave us this tense scene of Kirk and Uhura asphyxiating. Or singing. Whatever. Choose your own adventure!
And lo, the crew goes undercover on Planet Clown. Sulu is so effing excited he develops hysterical lockjaw.
Uhura: Kirk, let me command the Enterprise for an afternoon.
Kirk: I'm knee-deep in a trio of salt vampire call girls. Go away.
Uhura: Well, at least get rid of your pashmina fart cushion. It's impossible to take orders from you while you're muffling your flatulence in a pillow.
Kirk: I'll do you one better. If you can convince those stuffed-shirts on the bridge to dress up as crazy buffoons, you can throw my "modesty bolster" out the airlock and have your run of the Ent—
[Smash cut to 45 seconds later. Kirk is wearing a robe he stole from the clown planet in a feeble, sullen attempt to establish dominance.]
Play us out, you hirsute Adonis.