We love Once Upon A Time's hunky hunk Prince Charming. He's got those big, purple Kool-Aid stained lips, golden retriever locks and beautiful baby blues. But this week's episode painted him as kind of a dick, stringing along our favorite dowdy schoolmarm Ginnifer Goodwin. Not good sir. But then again, he did fight a giant CG dragon.
Is anyone else getting the strong sense that Once Upon A Time is killing time, puttering around like a lonely winter lakeside retiree? This entire episode was dedicated to Prince Charming's backstory — which, on paper, sounds incredibly interesting. He's the secret twin whose brother was whisked away by Rumpelstiltskin, sold to the King of the Land and raised to fight a dragon. But after a hilarious run-in with a knife (above) the King came calling for the other brother.
Here is an image of the "other brother" (the real Prince Charming) who is so very poor, he can't afford a haircut.
Yadda yadda, the new Prince Charming leaves to fight the dragon, kills it, and is then forced to marry Midas' daughter and give up his life of a 30-year-old shepherd who still lives with his mother. The whole thing plays out like an Alanis Morissette song, because the poor Prince was dead set on marrying for love, not for money. Wah wah. But the real problem isn't the plodding backstory, it's that none of it matters. Because we all know that Prince Charming doesn't HAVE to marry the blonde bitchy daughter of Midas. In the pilot he marries Snow White and in the third episode we saw Snow and Charming meet almost an hour after Charming agrees to marry the other girl. So what is the point? It's just filler. It could be revealed that I was raised by apes as a child, but if I live a normal life and never lose my mind and start flinging my own feces at someone who cut me off on the train platform, it doesn't matter! These backstories need to have dramatic implications on their characters, please. We KNOW he ends up with Snow White, because we saw them get married!
Sidenote: Prince Charming's fake Dad is Charles Widmore! Clearly this whole TV show is just another Lost alternate reality timeline. I suspect somewhere Jack is running around screaming at a gnome, "We have to go back!"