Last night, yet ANOTHER ghost was introduced into the mix on American Horror Story — this house is getting so filled up with horny ghosts and creepy rubber sex machines, I think it's time we sat down and sorted out all this madness. Oh, and Moira bit some Armenian's penis off.
Last night we saw a flashback from 1994 which links Burned Man (Larry) to Constance. Apparently, they were lovers and Larry loved Constance so much that he left his wife for her. Unfortunately for Larry, that meant his wife would immediately go upstairs and light herself (and their two daughters) on fire. So now we know why Larry is always hanging around, and that he's a liar. He told Ben he murdered his family yada yada. Anyway, in the flashback you can see above another one of Constance's children introduced (and quickly murdered by Larry). His name is Beauregard, he's horribly disfigured — and he lives in the attic of Murder House now, as a ghost. Good Christ, how many people does that make? Let's count it down. First let's list off what we've learned from the show:
1922 - Murder House is built by Dr. Charles for his wife Nora.
1926 - Dr. Charles and his wife Nora's baby is kidnapped, murdered, sent to them in jars. Dr. Charles stitches it together with animal parts and it lives again. But not long after Nora murder suicides both she and Charles.
1968 - The two nurses are murdered inside the home.
1978 - Murder House is in ruins. Two bratty Ginger Kids are murdered by a monster inside the home.
1982 - Moira and Hugo (Constance's husband/boyfriend — we don't know 100% but bets are on husband) are murdered by Constance.
1994 - Tate is shot down by the cops after killing 15 of his classmates (Constance moves out?) Later that year Larryn kills Constance's kid Beauregard (who is still living in the attic?). Larry leaves his wife and she then lights herself and his two daughters on fire.
2010 - Gay couple Patrick and Chad are murdered.
2011 - Harmon family moves in.
Making the total in house deaths: 1 nurse, 1 nurse, 1 killer,1 killer,1 hayden, 1 burned man's wife, 2 burned man's daughters, 1 Tate, 1 Constance's husband Hugo, 1 Moira, 2 ginger twins, 1 Dr. Charles, 1 Nora, 1 Dr. Charles' kid (brought back to life then died later unknown), 1 at least one girl seeking an abortion, 1 Beauregard , 1 Patrick, 1 Chad = 20.
People who've died, but not in the house Mr. Eskandarian, Addie, Derrick, and Tara's Mom from True Blood committed suicide = 4.
Bottom line, there are too many dead characters on this show, and it's getting insanely confusing.
Last night's episode was supposedly about Beauregard and selling the house, but the whole Beau plot line ran only a few minutes, so we're not really sure what to think about that. Selling the house, however was truly hilarious.
Meet Mr. Eskandarian. He wants to buy the house, but first he gets blown by Moira because this is how the maid helps sell the house too. Everyone calls him Persian which he later corrects to Armenian (important) and tells Constance two things. One — he's bulldozing the house and putting up condos. And two he only wants women for sandwiches!
Constance freaks out at the thought of her ghost family vanishing into condos and has a very nice moment with Moira where Frances Conroy channels this totally naive side of herself, asking "Why do they always lie?" That was pretty creepy. Moira agrees to help Constance kill Mr. Eskandarian by biting his penis off or something. Disaster averted, everyone!
Meanwhile, Violet has returned to being the moody teen she was before — in spite of last week's triumphant upgrade her character remains the same. Vivian is having twins (EVEN MORE CHARACTERS) and Nora and Dr. Charles' death scene was shown. But we all kind of saw the Nora gun-in-the-mouth thing coming, as she had a giant bullet exit wound in the back of her head — not a real surprise there, sadly. Vivian may now realize that the house is haunted because Violet found old pictures of Nora which was conveniently left behind in mint condition in the attic. I dunno, this just felt like filler and more death for death's sake. And after the Halloween two-parter, we know that American Horror Story is capable of so much more. So pick it up!