The remake of Conan the Barbarian hits theaters today, and you've got your meat skewers and leather nutslinger ready to go. The problem? Conan the Barbarian is a cult classic that has already spawned a series of bad sequels and imitators, and unfortunately it has now spawned a bad remake as well. But you need womb-ripping, sword-licking, eyebrow-bunching action this weekend! And Conan is your only option. We completely understand. So here's a list of rules that should help you make the best of this uneven movie experience.
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