Remember those murmurs that Lois Lane and Clark Kent's marriage would be dissolved as part of DC Comics' big relaunch? Well, now it's official. In September's Superman #1, a mopey, tactless Clark Kent interrupts Lois and her new boyfriend — Daily Planet heartthrob Jonathan Caroll — mid-coitus. Take a hike, Smallville!

Merciful Rao, it's one thing to dissolve the poor guy's marriage using some vaguely defined cosmic chicanery, but it's extraordinarily brutal to transform Clark Kent into a walking, talking erection killer. It's even worse for him to use his super-hearing for super-voyeurism. Absolutely nobody in these panels comes out looking good.

In any case, I'm hoping "Jonathan Carroll" is a psuedonym for "John Constantine." Now that would be comedy.

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[The NY Daily News via Comics Alliance]