In the city of Beppu in Japan's Ōita Prefecture, you can visit Hotel Jzauruss, a love hotel modeled on Jurassic Park. Finally, a place that can accommodate all of your Dennis Nedry roleplaying fantasies. You didn't say the magic safe word, ah-ah-ah!
For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of a love hotel, it's a place where you and a special friend (or friends!) can go for some discreet canoodling. But in the case of Hotel Jzauruss, when you pull up its garish, dinosaur-bedecked ramp, you're telling the world that YOU ARE FUCKING HERE for some Tyrannosaurus sexing. Oh baby, pour that water on my hand to demonstrate chaos theory in a totally facile way! Tear my arms off like I'm Samuel L. Jackson!
Think I'm embellishing? Here are some exterior shots:
Once inside, you have numerous options where you and your partner can swap spit like Dilophosaurus. (Or hell, be scientifically accurate and don't trade spittle. No kissing!) My favorite rooms are the cages of 307 and the inexplicable mummy room. Who does that cater to? Scooby Doo fetishists? Indiana Jones roleplayers who insist that all Spielberg movies take place in a shared universe?
And just look at these prices! 90 minutes for approximately $30! So affordable. A small price to pay if you want to reenact scenes from the postmodernist tour de force Pornosaurus (LINK EXTREMELY NSFW).
Is anyone who lives in Beppu willing to dress up as velociraptors and film the staff's reaction when you walk in the door? Hat tip to eagle-eyed Japan correspondent Holly for bringing this destination to our attention.