Madame Rosebud and Little Brooklyn finally get around to reading Twilight

Edward listens for a vampire heartbeat?

This is an erectile dysfunction ad

For Mormons, this counts as third base

Edward displays his usual concern for Bella's needs

Bella realizes that 100 years is a long time to collect venereal diseases

Suddenly, Edward's Spidey sense starts tingling

Now Bella's senses are tingling

"It's OK, it happens to all men"

Edward gropes blindly for relief from his depression

…but for some reason finds no interest in his hand's current purchase

And suddenly it all makes sense

We all knew the Mormons' lack of sex education would come
back to bite them someday

Edward thinks vampire babies gestate in the kneecaps.

Syd is unaware of where he's pointing