The best of last night's Sky Captain Commentary Twack

Oh, we had us a fine time tweet-lambasting our way through the groundbreakingly rendered missed opportunity, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. In case you missed it, here's the cream of the crop.

@io9commentary okay, y'all. Paramount logo is on the screen, jug of OJ and tissues handy. Let's go into The World of Tomorrow!

@io9commentary given how this movie looked - and that worse directors continue to work - I'm surprised this is Kerry Conran's sole credit.


@io9commentary here's the problem with this movie, as I see it: is the directorial style an homage, or a cover for lack of skill?

@io9commentary like, it's slow and stately and obvious, just like those old serials. But those filmmakers hadn't seen Scorsese.


@andertoons Pepper Potts? Polly Perkins? Perky Paltrow?

@fallapart Gwyneth seems to be channeling every newswoman at a paper ever on film...

@io9commentary "A clue? Just lying on the floor? Thank goodness!

@io9commentary "The giant robots have broken through the perimeter. Given that we're shooting .38 Specials at 'em, it kinda figures."

The best of last night's Sky Captain Commentary Twack

@io9commentary yeah, don't run from the stomping robots with a sense of urgency, Polly. That'd be silly.

@io9commentary so, they trust the defense of the skies to one dude in a p51 mustang? I mean, it's a nice plane and all, but really?

@fallapart I wonder if it's the ominous skulls on the robots chests that give away that they're up to no good... like goth kids.

@io9commentary Polly Perkins would eventually hang up her trusty camera and ripped skirt to found a popular breakfast eatery.

@fallapart I wonder if Giovanni's pew-pew gun is powered with unobtanium.

The best of last night's Sky Captain Commentary Twack

@io9commentary if only they spent as much time on the script as they did on Gwyneth's lustrous hair. the dialogue is so wooden.

@io9commentary "Man, I could really use a shot and a tug right now. Fightin' robots is hard!"

@io9commentary wait, how did everyone — including a giant dead robot and a hobbly reporter — beat Sky Captain back to his office?

@io9commentary you know what this movie needs? Robot ninjas.

@fallapart They're under attack by planes with flapping wings, but he's going to take time to make sure his helmet's on properly?

The best of last night's Sky Captain Commentary Twack

@io9commentary oh, I get it. Sky Captain's plane is made of Unexplodium. That's why it can collide with water at 300 mph and not blow.

@andertoons If Japanese comics have taught me anything, tentacles = bad.

@io9commentary there is no situation not made worse by Polly Perkins' presence. and no film make better by Bai Ling's. Eesh.

@io9commentary another clue! lying on the ground! good thing Polly Perkins is around, to find all your floor-based information.

@io9commentary now, Raiders of the Lost Ark's plot is about as thin as this one, but it moves so fast, you don't notice. Bad Kerry Conran!

@io9commentary because everyone knows a dirty little old man at the top of the world who likes vienna sausages.

@io9commentary oh, hey....we're dropping Shambala science. Maybe we'll run into the Shadow. Or Stephen Strange. Or Bruce Wayne. Or logic

@andertoons I call it Sausage-La.

@io9commentary Sky Captain is, like, one-third of a good movie. The production design is stunning. the script and the acting, not so much.

@fallapart Why does everyone who says "I won't ask again" immediately ask again in movies?

@io9commentary is it wrong that I really wanted Polly to explode right there? She is maybe the most useless character I've ever seen.

@io9commentary oh, hey, so Sky Captain's plane does have a fuel gauge. did he really expect to get to Nepal and back on just one tank?

The best of last night's Sky Captain Commentary Twack

@io9commentary hmmm. I wonder if I prefer an Angelina Jolie Nick Fury over a Sam Jackson Nick Fury.

@fallapart Seems like a platform hovering on four gigantic propellers would be easier to disable.

@andertoons Her lips actually keep the whole thing afloat.


@io9commentary I've never seen a mashup of so many things I like (robots, dinosaurs, eyepatches, helicarriers, Jolie) turn out so badly.

@andertoons Action! Danger! Spelunking!

@io9commentary it's a good thing that Sky Captain shut the door on the robot stampede. because the one thing that stops robots is doors.

@io9commentary okay, I've gotta say: using footage of the late Laurence Olivier as Totemkopf is brilliant.

@fallapart Oh, hurray... the movie now has no bad guy... although it was kind of a cool reveal.

@io9commentary i told you: robot ninjas!

@io9commentary "would it be weird if I stopped to have sex with that cow? it's been ages..."

@io9commentary "Well, Polly. It seems this buoy isn't the only thing here that's inflatable." "Oh, James....I mean, Joe..."

@io9commentary ooof. I remember that film being not good. but I didn't remember how much potential it squandered.