The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

Oh, we had us a fine time tweet-lambasting our way through the Wachwoskis' hotly anticipated-thoroughly underwhelming second chapter in the Matrix trilogy. In case you missed it, here's the cream of the crop.

@io9commentary aside from Star Wars Episode 1, I can't remember a movie more hotly anticipated — and a bigger letdown — than Matrix Dos.

@io9commentary nor can I recall an actress who went so quickly from hot to harsh as Carrie Anne Moss.


@io9commentary this entire movie is like a whispered bad dream. SPEAK UP, PEOPLE! Oh, and who let Roy Jones Jr pilot a hoverthingie?

@fallapart Wow, and has any couple had less onscreen chemistry other than Neo & Trinity other than Amidala and Anakain?


@io9commentary i will, however, always give credit to the Wachowskis for imagining a future filled with dark-skinned people. With bad skin.

@io9commentary there's something so antiseptic to these fight scenes. no one feels any pain, so it's just actors going through the motions.

@io9commentary His Imperial Fatness, reporting for duty.

@io9commentary So this is a civilization that can build hoverthingies, mechas and giant gorram cities, and no one can make decent clothes?

@io9commentary I mean, seriously: in the history of people making things, fine threads came before UNDERGROUND CITIES. WITH PLUMBING.

@cecilseaskull I love Gina Torres.

@wittyallusion This movie needs more Gina Torres with a shotgun. And more Serenity. And less Matrix.

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary "Listen, Mr. Zion Architect. I need 87 levels of livable quarters, a giant dock, and a big-ass room for fucking. KTHNXBYE."

@cecilseaskull This part has always confused me. Why a rave?

@lindsayekonkle Plot is not important when people are DANCING

@io9commentary why don't the Machines attack, you know, when all of Zion is fucking each other? Basic strategy, really.

@io9commentary as dumb as this might be in a movie, Young Marc would've killed a dude for an invite to the Soul Train Fuck Party.

@io9commentary I'm going to sleep now. Wake me up when the sad one starts hitting people again. And when they talk louder.


@io9commentary more TALKING. At least they've gone outside into the Exposition Playground in the Projects

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary someone remind me why Neo doesn't just fly away? He already got the info from the Oracle. Now he's just fighting to fight.

@JaySlacks I sort of know we are supposed to make fun of this flick, but I'm actually having fun.

@cecilseaskull this is kind of a cool fight.

@io9commentary it is a cool fight, until Neo becomes a CG rendering of Keanu. Then it loses all coolness.

@io9commentary again, there was no dramatic/story reason for the Burly Brawl. it's just there to dupe us into forgetting nothing's happening.

@KickBoy the single greatest threat we face.... machines are coming.... Many bothans died to bring us this information

@io9commentary okay, I'm going downstairs for more beer. go on without me.

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary oh, look. I came back just in time for Monica Boobucci, code-crotch shots, and MORE TALKING, but with an French accent.

@cecilseaskull actually, that french cursing is pretty funny (and terribly dirty)

@cecilseaskull oh it is too unlady like! (but it was like do you in your butt you whore of poop and dogs mother etc.)

@io9commentary I've been paying relatively close attention, but do we know why Neo needs the Keymaker, other than that he was told he did?

@io9commentary So, werewolves are from the Matrix? Quick, call someone who gives a shit!

@misanthrope80 And here, on your right is the Exposition Dungeon

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary this, right here, begins the best 30 mins — the only 30 mins you need of this movie. Action scenes with purpose, drive.

@io9commentary hands down, the best kung fu of the movie. No CG, just intricate choreography.

@io9commentary They built their own freeway. Something like three miles of it. At least it's a good chase. Not Ronin-good. But good.

@wittyallusion Fun fact: This highway is now used to test myths on #Mythbusters!

@io9commentary Worst use of slow motion ever. You can't hide shitty CG when we can see precisely how shitty it is.

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary His Imperial Fatness is taking a stand.

@fallapart There's still 40 minutes left? Of what?

@io9commentary It's Morpheus' turn in the Exposition Chair. And the Keymaker left it all...warm.

@io9commentary WAAALLLLLLTTTTT!

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary What a boring gorram office the Architect has. Unless he likes to watch a lot of porn, and i mean A LOT

@fallapart Colonel Sanders is the Architect.

@io9commentary In all seriousness, this is a pretty great reveal: that the Matrix happens over and over again. Because it must.

@io9commentary that the only way to enslave mankind is to give them the chance to choose to rebel. Neo is the apotheosis of that choice.

@io9commentary this is the only talkathon worth listening to. It fundamentally shifts what we know about the World, and the people in it.

The best of last night's Matrix Reloaded Commentary Twack

@io9commentary And how can this be? For he IS the kwisatz haderach! Also, because a crappy neo ex machina ending is what they wanted.

@misanthrope80 It's the Ersatz Haderach

@io9commentary so now, for no reason we can fathom, Neo can affect shit in the real world. gang, the story only goes downhill from here

@fallapart I love that there's literally a "Dum Dum Dah" moment at the end. #io9moviemonday

@io9commentary the last saving grace: we don't have to wait until after the credits to get a peep of Matrix Revolutions. We know it sucks.