If you couldn't stay up for last night's Demolition Man tweetathon, here's the cream of the Sylvester Stalloney, fish-out-of-watery crop.
We all cued up the theatrical cut of the Stallone-Snipes-Bullock "classic" on Netflix Instant (or on your own DVD) and Tweeted our way through it. Below, you'll find the best of the sleepy, partially intoxicated crop. (For the entire event, bounce over here.)
Next week, follow us at @io9commentary — and at the #io9moviemonday tag — we'll be doing a film that you choose!
@io9commentary nothing better than a ridiculous image of the future-past. 1996 wasn't a burny time for LA. More than usual.
@io9commentary It's not so much that Sly is the Demolition Man, he's the Run Into Combat Woefully UnPrepared Man. Just one pistol?
@theronaldbrown I forget about Wesley's Snipes blonde flat-top.
@io9commentary Apparently, the filmmakers felt the most effective way to convey Wesley Snipes' villainy was to dress him like a Wonka Pimp.
@io9commentary Stallone was a very buff tiny guy, wasn't he?
@io9commentary I recall that they had to shut down production because he, like, blew a vein or something working out. All natural, natch.
@io9commentary never thought I'd be seeing a movie that spent so much time looking at Sly's nipples. I'm just saying.
@aka_emilicious @io9commentary I'm confused. Why are we freezing prisoners?
@io9commentary How is this prison any cheaper than a conventional one? I've gotta think food and clothing are cheaper than cryotech.
@newmiked How sweet would this movie have been with tank girl in it?
@io9commentary Mellow greetings, Rob Schneider. And dude REALLY trying to look like Donald Pleasance.
@io9commentary There was a time when Wesley Snipes was the complete package: a legit martial artist who could act. And then...Blade.
@io9commentary ...but this movie plays too much for laughs. Like it doesn't trust its own premise and compensates with desperate pandering.
@theronaldbrown If spicy foods are illegal then how is Taco Bell the only restaurant to survive the franchise wars?
@io9commentary "A Mr. Phoenix has risen from the ashes." I'll bet a dollar that the baddie got that name simply for that line.
@io9commentary "Mellow greetings. What seems to be your boggle?" Ugh.
@io9commentary What could actually be some decent scifi is reduced to a not-particularly-interesting shoot-em-up.
@io9commentary Two men, on opposite sides of the law, are the only ones who can share in the same isolation. There's meat on those bones.
@io9commentary "He's really matched his meat. You really licked his ass." At which point Sandy evokes a different kind of "Man" film.
@Lagarathan Is her dress bedazzled or is it made out of bedazzle? Pure bedazzle.
@io9commentary You know what this movie needs? A strip club. Or some excuse for gratuitous nudity.
@io9commentary "I mean boning, the wild mambo, the hunka-chunka." Oh, man...John Spartan sure does speak teh sexy.
@io9commentary It's kind of amazing how Stallone keeps a straight face for most of Demolition Man.
@io9commentary Frida Kahlo is slinging burgers in the San Angeles underground.
@io9commentary Apparently, in the future, all the brown peoples live underground. Except for Ben Bratt, who's fey enough to live topside.
@io9commentary Demolition Man is a movie made by committee, a committee of dudes who've either never seen or don't like action movies
@io9commentary Were we that unsophisticated an audience 20 years ago? I remember lines like "Take this job and shovel it" KILLING
@io9commentary Insert obligatory climactic shootout here. "Can we make it feel like Goldfinger, but less cool?"
@io9commentary I wonder how much grunting ADR Stallone had to do. "No, Sly, we need a 'hwugh' here. Not a 'hurgh.'"
@io9commentary wow. Demolition Man is a lot shittier than I remember, but in a good way. Especially if you're drunk.