Mika's single for Kick-Ass continues the cherished tradition of musicians penning (often absurd) songs for superhero flicks. Here are some of the best and/or worst songs from comic-book cinema. And no, that Nickelback song from Spider-Man ain't on here.
10.) "Howard The Duck" by Thomas Dolby and Cherry Bomb (Howard The Duck; 1986)
This song was written by Thomas "She Blinded Me With Science" Dolby and George Clinton, contains vocals from Lea "Marty McFly's mom" Thompson, and sounds like a slightly crappier facsimile of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy." How such talented people failed to produce a chart-topping song about Howard The Duck is beyond me, but hey, at least they scored a Razzie nomination out of it.
9.) "Gotham City" (Remix) by R. Kelly (Batman and Robin, 1997)
It's R. Kelly sing-talking about Gotham City in front of the Batmobile. Is it awful? Is it awesome? Are we even evolutionarily equipped with the mental faculties to make aesthetic judgments on such matters?
8.) "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" by U2 (Batman Forever; 1994)
I really liked the U2 of this era - they were at the nadir of their critical respectability, which made them a perfect fit for the Technicolor train wreck that was Batman Forever. Combining mid-90s U2 with Joel Schumacher's Batman was like watching two Maglevs full of candy careen head-on. It was a catastrophe, but a Willy Wonka-style catastrophe, like an Oompa-Loompa bar brawl.
7.) "Ain't Nobody Bad (Like Meteor Man)" by Big Hat Ray Ray (Meteor Man; 1993)
If there's anything that deserves a remake, it's goddamn Meteor Man. Remember when Bill Cosby got superpowers? That shit was better than Ghost Dad. Anyway, should they happen to remake Meteor Man, let's hope they don't change this song. It's perfect as is.
6.) "Men of Steel" by Shaquille O'Neal, Ice Cube, B-Real, Peter Gunz and KRS-One (Steel, 1997)
Unlike the movie Steel, there's nothing particularly funny about this song other than the befuddling sight of Shaq trying to rap with some of the finest MCs in hip-hop history. It's like he threatened to eat their cars if they didn't give him a chance on the mic.
5.) "Ninja Rap" by Vanilla Ice (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret Of The Ooze; 1991)
It pains me to post this, as Vanilla Ice has long since besmirched this song's memory by recording a terrible rap-rock remix. If I had my druthers, I'd rather post the entire endearingly unwatchable "Coming Out Of Their Shells" tour, but that wasn't tied to any particular movie.
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4.)"The Batdance" by Prince (Batman; 1989)
This isn't Prince's greatest song, but it's probably our generation's answer to the Batusi. Christopher Nolan will never give us a Batusi. Let's celebrate what we got.
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3.) "Dredd Song" by The Cure (Judge Dredd; 1995)
Why was "Dredd Song" such a perfect fit for the Judge Dredd movie? Because Robert Smith's emotive warbling had about as much in common with the original 2000 AD as Sly Stallone spandex-rassling with Armand Assante for 90 minutes. Why didn't they just use Anthrax's "I Am The Law," the best song about Judge Dredd ever written? Still, this song is solid.
In sum, if your band sucks, just write a song about Judge Dredd. Why? Because it's impossible to write a bad song about Judge Dredd. History is on your side.
2.) "Flash Gordon" by Queen (Flash Gordon; 1980)
Fact: If you are stuck with a bunch of lackadaisical friends on a Friday night, blast this song. It is perhaps the most potent clarion call to action ever recorded. You will have no choice but to stand up and grab life by its Ming the Merciless moustache.
1.) "Kiss From A Rose" by Seal (Batman Forever; 1994)
I love this song. It sounds like losing your virginity at the Renaissance Faire. I imagine Alfred blasts this song during sensual sessions with women of a certain age. It reminds him of the old country.