If Thanksgiving is about one thing, it's not turkey, family or even giving thanks. It's about watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and complaining about the floats, balloons and special guests. Here's what we'd rather see instead.
Don't get me wrong, we're almost as happy as the next man that Spider-Man is getting his long overdue day in the sun this year, but it's not enough. The Thanksgiving Day parade we'd want to be watching would have to include some of the following:
A Yoda Balloon
To be honest, we have no idea how this hasn't happened already. If ever there was a fictional character more suitable for translating into giant inflatable form that isn't named Pikachu or Snoopy, we'd like to meet them. It's not like Star Wars isn't popular enough, or that George Lucas doesn't have the Clone Wars TV show to promote. Why hasn't this happened yet?
A Partially-Deflated Superman Balloon
Because who doesn't want to see more of this?
A Brock Samson Balloon
Yeah, you heard us. And he can be pulled by lots of people dressed as the Monarch's henchmen. Admittedly, this may just be part of our Venture Bros-filled dream lives that would also include a Venture musical, complete with singing Hank and Dean and Nathan Lane as Phantom Limb. But until then, we can comfort ourselves with the dream of a giant, mulleted balloon of black t-shirt-wearing pain smoking and floating throughout the streets of a cold New York November morning, terrifying evildoers and NBC announcers alike.
Scenes From The Spider-Man Musical Being Performed In Front Of Macy's For An Unenthusiastic Audience
Just as every year's parade features special guests from the latest Broadway hit miming a song from their show while jumping about trying to desperately keep warm, why not give everyone a chance to see what U2 and Julie Taymor have cooked up for the perpetually-troubled Spider-Man musical Turn Off The Dark, thereby convincing everyone once and for all that Arena Rock and outsider superheroes really isn't a good fit after all. After all, given all the troubles the production has gone through already, this kind of performance may be the only time anyone will see anything from the show.
Stargate Universe Float
This is another no-brainer. What better way for the newest Stargate to win over new audiences than with a float filled with cast members to sum up what the series is all about? This is what I picture: The float itself looks like a scale version of the Destiny, with Scott and Chloe having sex on one side, Rush and Eli looking at computer screens and frowning, before Young walks up and shouts at them, leaving TJ to one side, looking on concerned. At the back of the float, Greer can look crazy and shoot his gun in the air, and somewhere, Camille can have multiple showers because that's what she seems to do if last Friday's two shower scenes are anything to go by. How could that not make everyone want to tune in on a regular basis?
Make those changes, and all it'd take would be the addition of Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell as replacement Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieiras (with Mark Sheppard taking the Al Roker wandering reporter role, of course; he has to be in everything, after all), and the show would be perfect. Well, for us, anyway. What changes would you need to make you have to tune in?