Science Fiction Sex Toys We'd Like In The Real WorldGraeme McMillan4/16/09 3:00pmFiled to: Spring mating seasonBattlestar Galacticacherry 2000sky dollStar Trek: Deep Space NineHolodecksThe lawnmower manVirtual realityFlesh GordonOrgazmoBig daveLove gunfucking machinesExcessive machineBarbarellasleeperNsfwFeatureTop231EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalink Since science fiction was invented, the real world has followed in its footsteps, whether it's language or replicating fictional moral dilemmas. But there's one area where the real world is sadly lacking: science-fictional sextoys. The Orgasmatron Booth Maybe I should be more surprised that Woody Allen would come up with one of the most well known pieces of SF sextech in Sleeper, his one and only SF movie to date, but all I can think is that anything that demonstrates how easily people can be replaced by machinery is right up his 1970s comedy neuroses alley. Sure, science may have tried to create the real thing, but the fact remains: Is there a closet that I can walk into and experience multiple climaxes without the presence of another human being and risking repetitive strain injury? No. And that's the true tragedy here. The Excessive Machine Unlike the Orgasmatron, Barbarella's Excessive Machine is made for evil purposes, apparently (Unless you think that "Executioner" is some kind of porny euphemism), but you can't deny that with a little reworking, this organ-based organ-replacement could bring happiness to a great many people everywhere, while being more aesthetically-pleasing to look at than any of the inventions seen so far on popular internet destination Fucking Machines (Dear everyone: That link is very NSFW. Do not blame me when you click on it in your place of employment and get in trouble. The clue as to why may be in the name of the site). Sex Rays Of Various Types Whether it's Flesh Gordon's Sex Ray or Orgazmo's Orgazmorator, there's no denying that there's something primal about the idea of making that penis/gun substitution a little more literal than usual. The best variation of this idea belongs to 2000AD's satirical Big Dave strip from the 1990s, wherein Saddam Hussein unveiled his plan to defeat the West once and for all by using his Love Gun - built by aliens, of course - to turn opposing armies gay, and therefore - proving the reasoning behind the US military's ban on homosexuals - useless as soldiers. Freaky Virtual Reality Sex http://io9.com/5054503/the-dos-and-donts-of-cybersex Lawnmower Man's face-melty sex scene may look somewhat cheesy now - and make you go "Hey, it's Frank off Lost! But young!" - but let's face it; Second Life really doesn't compare to the virtual reality insect fetish sex that this movie promised us. Science fiction loves to suggest that VR will open up all new worlds of sexual exploration (Even Star Trek: Deep Space Nine had Quark's holodeck suites, which you knew were dens of perversity and characters fantasizing about Dax and Kira getting it on with them), but the reality has proven to be somewhat lacking. Sexbots In General I know, I know. Sexbots; they're the android dream for all of us, whether they're Cherry 2000, Battlestar Galactica's Six or any of a large number of other possibilities, there's something amazingly alluring to many people about the idea of a lifelike play partner that only does what you tell it to do (or maybe not). But when I don't care how realistic they think robots are getting, that whole dead-eyed look just doesn't do it for me just yet. Give me a call when they've reached Tricia Helfer level - or maybe Sky-Doll.