BSG's finale has arrived, and not even a cameo from Star Wars' gay Hutt can cheer me up. Farewell, Starbuck, Chief... and Fat Lee, I'll miss you most of all. Clips and spoilers, below.
No new Chuck this week.
Kyle XY -
It's the last Kyle XY ever. So say goodbye to the cute confused super-boy and his Sound Of Music foster family, The Tragers. In this final episode, Kyle discovers Latnok's evil plan. So the Trager family combines to form Voltron, and together they stamp out the evil corporation with their cat hands. But more importantly who will Kyle pick for his genius-baby love-seed: Amanda or Jessi? Kyle XY is on ABC Family at 9 PM.
No new Heroes this week.
Enhanced action figures come to life, thanks to modern technology, and say things like, "I love the smell of polyurethane in the morning." Small Soldiers is on TBS at 10 AM.
There is an early morning Dark Angel marathon running on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM to 2 PM, if you can't wait until Friday to get your fill of ass-kicking ladies in tight pants.
No new Fringe this week.
Ben starts dating Nina — you know, the Demon that tried to kill Sam. But she's really hot and funny, in the way that reminds my of Anya so please keep her around. Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.
One of the top ten science fiction comedies of all time (in my book), Galaxy Quest, is on TBS at 10 AM today. Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub and Sam Rockwell find out their canceled Star Trek rip-off series has been recreated in space, thanks to an alien race.
Better Off Ted -
The lovely Portia de Rossi and Jay Harrington run the slightly but comically corrupt company Veridian Dynamics in research and development. Where the two make sheep and weaponize pumpkins. It's pretty adorable, and hopefully very successful because we're in dire need of some actually funny scifi. Better Off Ted is on ABC at 8:30 PM.
The gang is back, and Sawyer has to be all Con man smartypants again to figure out how to juggle two girlfriends and keep his new Dharma buddies from executing Kate, Jack, Ben, Locke, Hurley, Ben and Sun ....yeah that's about it. Let them kill the new characters — I'm not really invested in them yet.
UFO Hunters -
Get to the bottom of the giant triangle-shaped things that appeared overhead in Sonora, California. Aliens, or just giant floating triangles?
Life On Mars -
Sam dives once more into the funny mustache closet. This week, he's going undercover as a truck hijacker and needs to infiltrate a gang. LOM is on ABC at 10 PM.
Here's a fun game: take a drink every time Halle Berry makes you wince, in Catwoman on AMC at 8 PM.
Clark gets stuck between a rock and a hard place, when Tess tries to con him into using his powers by wrecking their jet plane. In other Smallvillian news, Chloe is all understanding of Davis' "mood swings" and her beau is not. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.
Castiel and the brothers get the angel killer in chains, now Dean gets to show everyone what he's learned in hell. Oh and I think Castiel may get to kick a little ass in this, and maybe emote a bit into the bargain. Supernatural is on the CW at 9 PM.
No new Eleventh Hour.
So who's the better magician: the rich Hugh Jackman, who convinces David Bowie to build him a devious device, or Christian Bale, the man who really knows how to keep secrets? The Prestige is on FX at 8 PM.
There is an all day Battlestar Galactica marathon running on the Sci Fi Channel, as well there should be. I suspect people will be boarding up shops and schools will be closing down as well, to mark this momentous occasion.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -
The second half of this two-parter episode lets us all know what's in the box, and why it made that incredibly hot, but crazy, lady come back from the future. T:SCC is on Fox at 8 PM.
Batman: The Brave And The Bold -
Jason Blood is framed for crimes committed by Gentleman Ghost, on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM.
Star Wars: Clone Wars -
Meet Cad Bane: apparently, he's the worst of the worst of all the bounty hunters and is going to kill all of the clones. He takes some hostages, and it's up to Anakin to save the day. Oh, and the TV Guide says Ziro is back in this episode to which I say, fantastic because everyone should start their weekend with gay Hutt! The finale of the Clone Wars is on Cartoon Network at 9 PM.
Patton Oswalt guest stars as an internet mogul who purchases Echo's brain. Echo plays the part of perfect housewife to Oswalt's meek internet persona (get it? Internet=nerd). Meanwhile, Sierra shrieks and Helo yells and throws a chair. That's great and all, but where's Alpha? "Man On The Street" is on Fox at 9 PM.
Battlestar Galactica -
This is it: two hours of total Galactica-versus-Cylon action. Some will die, some will live (I'm guessing) and maybe, just maybe, we'll get some sort of conclusion out of this long five year journey towards Cylon-self discovery (Earth no longer being an option). BSG is on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM because it's two hours keeds.
Go back to the classics with Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi on Spike at 8 PM, just close your eyes whenever the "new and improved" CG pops up on screen.
Now that the little country-mouse has told Ian McShane that he ain't no redneck bitch, let's see what happens. What will the city-mouse girlfriend princess and the gaydilocks prince have to say about their new adopted brother, now that Silas has marked him out as the favorite? The second episode of Kings is on NBC at 8 PM.
What would you do if you were forced to repeat the same day over and over again, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day? Me, I would probably reenact Groundhog Day in its entirety. The movie is on FX at 12 AM.