Last night's episode of Heroes proves once and for all that this show basically does not give a crap if anyone keeps watching - especially if that "anyone" happens to be female. Spoilers ahead.

Just check out this amazingly long and painful sequence when Claire nabs a job at the comic book store. Apparently comic book stores are packed with MALES ONLY, so in case you are female and were thinking about getting into comics, DON'T GO THERE. Because if you do, a bunch of men who match some casting director's idea of "nerd" will stare at you creepily and make you feel like a freak. I love that the comic book store owner hires Claire purely on the basis of the hope that he and everyone else will be able to sexually harrass her - or at least stare at her.

Why did we need this giant buildup scene for a job that Claire ultimately is never going to take because she's running away to start the underground mutant railroad with flying daddy? Was it just to have the joy of seeing a hot comic book geek throw away all his values ("Oh, they're only comic books!") so he can get a sniff of the yarn on Claire's head? Or was it so that we could all remind the ladies that they're not welcome in our clubhouse? Seriously this scene almost drove me to write the word "ugh" 700 times instead of a disgruntled review with a slightly broader vocabulary.


OK, so what the hell happened last night other than bad gender? Well, Hiro and Ando minced around to the "Asian comic relief" music and discovered that they're going to have to protect Matt Parkman's baby self. And grownup Matt Parkman got rescued from his explodey vest due to some fast footwork by Nathan, who is now apparently on the side of good again. Nathan is also busily trying to break icy Tracy out of prison, and has decided to take on the Hunter too. Unfortunately, when the Hunter throws him out a window, he has to reveal his flying side.

But that's only after the single most disgusting scene involving oysters to ever hit the small screen. Trying to worm some intel out of Mama Petrelli, Hunter goes all soft and probey on her in a nice restaurant where she slurps (SLURPS!) oyster juice at him, snorgles champagne, and basically tongues him remotely if that's possible. Maybe that's her latent superpower: Remote tonguing. (I've heard that's an undocumented feature in nmap actually.) He's trying to tell her that she has lots of skeletons in her closet and she should give up the goods on Nathan, and then she slurps something about Angola and he gets all huffy and leaves. Score one for the remote tongue.

So Nathan and HRG are totally going up against Hunter, even though President Worf has dismissed Hunter from the mutant roundup project. (Where is President Worf by the way? Michael Dorn, we need you.) And Parkman is on the loose, though mostly in baby form.


Meanwhile, Sylar is still without his boyfriend, which makes me sad. So he has a showdown with daddy, who turns out to be a taxidermist dying of cancer. They bond over killing a bunny (which was almost as bad as the remote tonguing scene), then stuffing the bunny, and then fighting over whether dad will be able to steal Sylar's healing powers by using some kind of sleepy whistle power. Of course Sylar wins, and leaves pops to die slowly of cancer surrounded by dead animals in a broken-down cabin. The best part of their fight was when Sylar totally did a Spock eyebrow thing when his dad said something ridiculous. Yay for any hints of scifi stories that aren't Heroes!

Also, Sylar took the stuffed bunny he and papa killed and left it as a present on Hunter's mantle. He also left himself as a present in the hallway, so expect next episode (in two weeks) to give us some Sylar vs. Hunter homoerotic smackypants. Also, Claire did wind up helping the puppetmaster dude get away from some evil Hunter agents, and then the government finally came after her for reals. Luckily, Rebel sent her a text message about it just in time and her superdaddy came to rescue her before the goons could start asking, "Flight or invisibility?! Pick one, bitch!"

Tune in next week, when a giant band of female comic book geeks take over the comic book store and tell that dude in the glasses to look pretty and hand out free candy to their friends while they leer at his ass.