In news and gossip math, the announcement of George Takei's wedding plans must've looked something like "B-List Sixties Geek Icon + Gay + Social Hot Button Topic = Win." There's just something perfect storm-ish about Takei's marrying boyfriend of 21 years Brad Altman for the jaded headline writers of the world, and under the jump, we celebrate the best, worst and strangest of the ones that have made it out there so far.
First off, let's get one thing straight - While we have nothing but respect and maybe a little adoration for television's first Mr. Sulu, headlines like Wired's "Star Trek's Sulu Plans To Marry Partner" may be factually correct, but they're also kind of... dull. Headlines are meant to have grab your eye and demand your attention. So why not aim for something like Igotarant.com's "George 'Sulu, And I Take It In The Ass' Takei is getting married. Still factually correct and yet, somehow, somewhat wrong at the same time.
While I'm complaining, here's something else everyone needs to understand. George Takei? He's Mr. Sulu, okay? That's it. That's all anyone needs to know in order for the headline to work. So, all you people doing headlines like "Heroes Actor To Marry Longterm Partner" and "Heroes Star George Takei To Marry Longterm Partner Brad Altman"? No. Just stop it. Sure, he was in Heroes, but it was for about five minutes and even then it was stunt casting before he died in a cruel experiment to see if Masi Oka was able to show a third emotion other than "glee" and "comedic shock". Calling him a star of the show just seems kind of cruel, really.
With all of that out the way, let's move onto the headlines that know how to bring you up to speed. The UK's Daily Mirror goes for the less-is-more angle with "Gay Sulu to Wed", while gossip website Canoodle Soup takes a similar tack, before chickening out at the last moment: "Sulu No Longer Solo: George Takei To Wed." So close and yet so far.
Thankfully, some people are unafraid of the obvious nerd references: "Marriage: The Final Frontier" and "George Takei: Gay Marriage - The Final Frontier" go exactly where you wanted them to, but "George Takei boldly goes into marriage" and, weirdly, E! Online's "Star Trek Star Boldly Goes Where Ellen Goes" come a close second (This whole "Ellen was there first thing" seems to be a Takei wedding meme - There's also First Ellen, now George Takei... will other celeb gays follow suit? Me, I'm going to wait until Ellen gets the crazy "Naked Time" virus and then starts attacking people with a sword before I give her the credit for stuff).
The greatest headline of all, however, comes from the UK's Sun newspaper, knowing that a pun is always the way to go: Mr. Sulu will say "I do... lu", anyone?
I know, I know. You're welcome.