If you're an evil genius or a superhero with things to hide, then you've probably thought about investing some serious dough in a secret lair. But with real estate prices being what they are these days, and the pesky need to kill the architects for hidden bases after they finish, you might want to get one of these classic lairs. Either that, or copycat away and make yours bigger and better. Check out the top five secret lairs in this edition of "evil mastermind cribs."
- The Hatch System On Lost: If you're going to conduct secret experiments, keep people quarantined, and then spy on them, what better than to do it through a series of mysterious hatches that lead to a series of interconnected lairs which look like they could have been built by the Viet Cong with a budget? Plus some of them come stocked with products that look like they come from Amway, old school computers, a workout area, an armory stocked with weapons, and Mama Cass albums. Fully furnished.
- The Batcave From Any Incarnation of Batman: If you're rich enough to own a giant manor out on the edge of town, and you're a secret vigilante, then of course you're going to want to build a giant lair in the cave system underneath your house. It could house your sweet custom car, your supercomputing computers, and a big giant penny. Of course, you'd have to deal with your crime fighting friends and foes building things like the Arrow Cave (Green Arrow) and the Cat Cave (Catwoman), but it would be a small price to pay.
- Mr. Universe's Satellite Broadcast Station from Serenity: If you're a reclusive techno-geek who intercepts signals and watches television 24 hours a day, then you'd want your own giant, orbiting headquarters that could snag signals down from everywhere in the universe and rebroadcast them whenever you felt like it. Sort of like your own personal intergalactic YouTube. Plus in your spare time you can build a hot love-bot to marry and get busy with. All the comforts of home. Of course, it wasn't that "secret" of a place, since no one seemed to have trouble finding it.
- Any of Doctor Evil's secret lairs from the Austin Powers movies: Okay, he's built himself a moonbase with a giant laser, a secret volcano lair, and perhaps the most insidious of all, the Starbucks headquarters in Seattle. Inside he has his lackeys working on everything from time travel to death beams to air fresheners, and you have to admit they are always quite roomy and accommodating. The only caveat is that when you build a secret volcano lair to hide your evil empire, it's probably not best to carve your visage on the side of it.
- Superman's Fortress of Solitude: When you really need to get away but don't want to head off-planet, you can't go wrong with the North Pole as far as isolation is concerned. However, what about construction problems? Not an issue when you just throw a crystal into the snow and it grows itself. It might look like a crystal palace in the movies and on television, but in the comics Superman built the place himself, and it had everything from a giant dinosaur robot, to a machine that could synthesize any food he could think of. Hey, he couldn't let Batman outdo him.
- The Death Star: If you're thinking going overboard when you build your secret lair, don't half-ass it. Once the scales are tipped, just go ahead and go balls out and pour your limitless funds and manpower into the construction of a base so big, it gets mistaken for a small moon. Add fleets of ships, massive armies, and trash-compactor monster, and a massive planet-destroying weapon, and you've got a base that'll make people crap their pants. Until some insolent farm boy comes and fucks with your ventilation system. Jackass.