Here's photographic and video evidence of what must surely be one of the signs of the approaching apocalypse: Tori Spelling in a Cthulhu movie. Make sure that sinks into your cranium before proceeding further. Yes, the very same Tori Spelling of Beverly Hills 90210 and the Tori & Dean Inn Love reality show strips down and gets her groove on in a wannabe horror film entitled Cthulhu: The Movie, where you never see any monsters. Unless you want to use the term "monster" metaphorically. Which we do.
We're well aware of the fact that it's difficult to try to tackle Lovecraft from any angle, but why would you try to make things harder for yourself by sticking Tori Spelling in your movie? If this was a retelling of Lovecraft starring bitchy girls who can't find the proper shade of lip gloss at the local L'oreal counter who then get eaten by some sort of lurking horror, then we'd get it. However, it sure looks like they're trying to be serious in this trailer, which for the life of us we can't really wrap our heads around. Especially once Donna Martin appears.
"Someone get down to the Peach Pit, quick! We've opened a portal to R'lyeh!" Yikes. Someone must have dialed in a favor or had some serious blackmail material for this one. We still prefer the Donna-free Cthulhu movie, which manages to be engaging despite being silent and in black and white.