Reading Rolling Stone's selection of interviews with white male-friendly celebrities about "the future" (in Bruce Springsteen's case, that means the year 1987) it quickly became apparent that one piece of fictional technology has surpassed the jet pack as the icon of our failed scientific process: the transporter.
Dave Eggers and Chris Rock are wondering why we're not teleporting to and from work every day, but in their rush to embrace the new, they've missed the other lessons that Star Trek was trying to teach us about beaming down. After the jump, a list of all the reasons why teleportation isn't all it's cracked up to be (with video illustrations!).
Lesson One: Teleportation messes with your mind
It makes sense, of course; who could deal with zapping from place to place in the blink of an eye without losing it every now and again? Luckily, Trek writers thought to categorize the number of different ways of going insane - and even included German subtitles for those who prefer that particular language.
Lesson Two: Teleportation can be dangerous if two things accidentally get merged in transit
No, I mean even more dangerous than Jeff Goldblum's career - I'm talking about the risk of overacting like this:
Lesson Three: Teleportation may lead you to alternate dimensions with hot chicks showing off their bellies, but, dude, Leonard Nimoy with a goatee.
I think you know what I'm saying.
With empirical proof like this, you're forced to reconsider scientific process and decide who you trust more with your future: Jon Stewart or Gene Rodenberry? Wait. Don't answer that.
The Rolling Stone 40th Anniversary Issue [Rolling Stone]